The Slayer and The Vamp
by spikey666
Summary: B/A of course. POV of both Slayer and Vamp....Includes meeting in S6 of Buffy and S3 Angel (that we neva saw!). What happens when Angel finds out about Buffy and Spike??Updated!
1. Default Chapter

Authors note: Yes you all probably know all about this and have your own feeling about Angel leaving for LA. This little story will show the POV of both the slayer and the Vampire on his leaving to LA. Obviously it won't be a very long fic but for some reason I was filled with inspiration.  
  
Chap 1  
  
Everything was so dark. So thick with black that it clouded my judgement. I struggled to see past the darkness, as I prayed for something, someone to save me, my life just a fragment of an imagination. I ambled along aimlessly, not seeing from day to day, not telling whether it was day or night. The rats were what I ate. Stinking, dirty, bug ridden rats that scurried about my feet as I sat quiet and still. Even these were a challenge for my soul to take. Even I began to feel a slight sympathy for the rotten buggers.  
  
People walked passed me and took pity. Took pity on what they thought deserved better, what they thought deserved more. They were wrong. I deserved nothing, I still do deserve nothing yet now I have brought my life back and turned it into something new.  
  
New and shiny.  
  
This new and shiny life still seems so dull and grey. The blackness still exists deep down, burning like fire inside, always there, always enticing. And sometimes I do want to look into it and discover its hidden depths. To run free and forget the guilt and pain that I now suffer for, to once again learn to feel.  
  
What would be the point? I'd revert back to the "Good old days" and either end up on the end of a pointy wooden stake or thrown back into reality, thrown back as "Soul Boy", to be doomed to live yet another intolerable existence.  
  
I feel the guilt everyday. It flows through me like blood as I reflect on the things I've done. And what scares me most is what I could do.  
  
Back then I was king.  
  
I took what I wanted, killing what ever stood in my way. Never mind the vampires of today, modern and quick with the kill. Back then it was worse. I'd follow and torment my victim for days, playing on their subconscious, watching as each one fell into despair and fright. Then I'd capture and torture, torture till there was no more screams left. Then I'd end it. Murder, rape, pillaging - I'm wanted for it all.  
  
Yet look at me now. Sat in an armchair, dressed in black, my mind (as always) cast back to those days, allowing the guilt to burn anew upon my skin. So how did I get here? To this dim reality where I no longer hunt?  
  
By one little mistake.  
  
One so small and insignificant it was unbelievable. All I did was eat a gypsy girl, draining her blood out of her body, only leaving the shell.  
  
Unfortunately for me, she was a well know and well-loved little gypsy. Her clan decided my fate and sent me howling into the forest with pain. They placed a soul in my body, allowing guilt back into my life. I tried; I really did, to keep going. My lover Darla was a feisty vamp and was always eager for a good torturing of a victim. I found I could no longer do it and turned to criminals of the world, only feeding on those that deserved to die. She noticed (as women always do) and tried to make me eat a newborn. A new life that had not long been blessed into this world. I fled.  
  
Years past and I was found. I was taken out of my doomed reality and placed in a new one, a better one. And it was all because of her that I now sit, alive, well, and in love.  
  
It was all because of Buffy.  
  
My girl. She'll always be my girl no matter what anybody says to me. Even if she says it to me herself, I will still deem her my girl. I witnessed her first kill as a slayer. She was strong and persistent, a little edgy. There was something about her, so cute and feisty that I couldn't resist watching her.  
  
Day after day I followed and learnt from her, taken in her moves, praying I could step in and help her out someday, wishing and hoping to be close to her.  
  
Then she came to Sunnydale, home of the hellmouth. Here is where I made my presence known; here is where I finally could step in beside her. At first I remained distant, choosing to keep my identity hidden from her.  
  
That was until we shared our first kiss.  
  
I couldn't help myself; I slipped into my game face. With her scream sounding loudly in my ears I ran, leaping out of her widow and out into the night. From then on I thought I'd ruined it, especially when later on, she was tempted to stake me.  
  
But we figured it out. She wouldn't stake me and we would have no relationship at all. None what so ever. Not even a tiny weenie one. So I stood from afar and loved her, not that I fully realised it. It proved harder than I could ever imagine to keep from loving her.  
  
After the events with The Master, or bastard as he better known in my language, things began to look up for me. Everything looked brighter as she entered my life again and we became closer. Soon enough neither of us could deny our feelings  
  
Our relationship continued, despite the factors that spurned us. All I knew was that I loved her too much to care about anything else in the world. I still do, always will.  
  
But all good things come to an end.  
  
On Buffy's seventeenth birthday we slept together, unbeknown to me what the consequences would be. I woke, pain coursed through my body. I dressed quickly and stumbled out into the alleyway, screaming her name as my soul was ripped from my body. The infamous Angelus was back.  
  
And there was nothing I could do about it.  
  
So once again I began to terrorise Sunnydale while starting my plan to take over the world. Buffy struggled through those times, I could sense it deep inside of me, at the time I didn't care - I revelled in it.  
  
I stalked her, watching her fight, sneaking up to her room and drawing her pictures to prove that I could be around when she didn't even realise it. I went after her friends to, especially Giles. It was great fun, torturing the watcher.  
  
He had found out about Acathla and told Buffy she would have to kill me. A fight insured, my bastard childe gave me away, he was never a loyal one. Buffy and I fought long and hard, sword-to-sword, fist-to-fist.  
  
Buffy didn't know at that time that Willow was desperately trying to get my soul back, to turn me back to Angel. I fell down on one knee as Acathla began to open; Buffy went to take her last strike.  
  
But then it happened.  
  
The soul rushed through me; warmth enveloped the inside of my body. I forgot everything that I had done and looked up to see my love, my Buffy. We hugged. A hug so deep and tight, for some reason it felt like the end. How correct was I!  
  
"Close you eyes."  
  
I did as I was told and she kissed me. The tears ran down her face, the salty taste mixed into our kiss. She broke the kiss and as I was about to open my eyes, she buried her sword deep into my chest.  
  
I reached out to her, calling her name, watching as more and more tears continued their journey down her beautiful unblemished skin. But it was no use.  
  
She sent me to hell.  
  
Burning fire, torture, pain - It all echoed within the walls of this dimension where I spent hundreds of years. I lost myself, unable to recollect anything of my past life, where I had no free will of my own.  
  
Then there was a bright light. So bright and dazzling, it felt like it blinded me. It took me from the hell I was living in and sent me back to Sunnydale, alone and feral.  
  
But yet again she brought me back.  
  
You'd think I'd hate her. Despise her for sending me to hell and beyond. For damning me to hundreds of years of torture. But you learn things as you get older. She did what she thought was right at the time. And for that, I owe her forgiveness.  
  
I could no longer live in Sunnydale after everything that had happened between us. I still dream about her now, what our lives could have been like if I hadn't been a vampire, if I was a human. But, like I said before, all good things come to an end. Even I could see that Buffy's heart was breaking every time I saw her, I never could offer her what she truly deserved.  
  
And believe me she deserved everything.  
  
So once the graduation was over, I stepped out into the darkness and smoke, avoided the goodbye, like a coward that I am and looked away from my girl. I went to LA in a hope to forget about her.  
  
Destiny is a funny thing. You think you can escape something that has been part of you for so long, yet you can't. It will always find a way to come back and haunt you.  
  
TBC  
  
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	2. Chap 2

Authors Note: This is Buffy's POV up to when Angel leaves to go to LA.  
  
Chap 2  
  
He left me. The bastard left me. He looked deep into my eyes, the smoke curled around his body as he turned and stepped into the darkness, leaving me alone outside my burnt down school.  
  
Alone.  
  
I was so alone I wanted to run after him, screaming and punching, not allowing him to leave me this way. But I couldn't. Every inch of my body was numb and I felt as if I'd collapse if I took another step.  
  
I knew this day would come; yet it felt so sudden, so final. I sat down on the cold concrete to think, think about our past.  
  
It started when I came to Sunnydale. He had just appeared in my life, not that I wasn't grateful, he helped me many times. Then I learnt about who he truly was. A vampire. A dark creature of the night, my enemy.  
  
I went after him, like a true slayer would, my stake in my hand as I prepared to stake him. Yet I found I couldn't. Instincts yelled at me but as I learned of his soul, compassion filled my body and I was soon falling for him.  
  
A relationship ensured even though everything turned against us. Who had heard of a Vampire and a Slayer together? It was bizarre I must admit. Everything went well for a while as we fought side by side night after night but.  
  
Then it happened. The good things came to an end.  
  
We had sex on my 17th birthday, neither of us knowing the unstable state of Angel's soul and soon enough, he'd lost it, Angelus had returned. I struggled through those times, unable to see that my love had turned to such an evil being. He killed a dear friend and I saw red.  
  
I was determined to take the bastard down, no matter what and after a tip off from Spike, I planned it all out. Giles told me about Acathla and that if Angelus had opened it I would have to kill him to close it. I knew what I had to do.  
  
I chose my sword and made my way, the two of us fought, like enemies, like it was meant to be. Often he had the upper hand, putting me down and aiming deathly blows. I fought back until I got him, bent down on his knees in front of an opening Acathla. I dug deep inside for the hatred I felt and brought the sword high above my head, as I was about to bring it down, his eyes began to glow.  
  
The soul was back.  
  
I hugged him tight as I saw the vortex opening behind him; fresh tears began to stream down my face. I kissed him as I declared my love, he replied declaring the same. I asked him to close his eyes and I kissed him for the last time. I thrust the sword deep into his chest and stepped away, watching as light emitted from his chest.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
He reaches out to me and all I can do is cry and watch, as he's sucked into hell. It felt as if my heart was being ripped from my body as I take my seat and prepare to leave Sunnydale. A new sense of guilt rushing through my body.  
  
I leave without a word to anyone, at least that way I had a chance of sorting my head out. Or so I thought. It wasn't long before duties saw me back in Sunnydale as I tried to move on with my life, refusing to speak of Angel.  
  
Then he returned.  
  
He was sent back to me, wild and untamed, so I decided to help him, get him back to the way he was. Again, a relationship began, but was soon doused as my friends discovered he had returned and deemed him untrustworthy.  
  
We stayed friends but it proved harder than either of us could imagine until finally I sit here watching as he retreats into the darkness forever.  
  
He was my love. My man. My vampire. Yet he had left, claiming I deserved more. But he was what I wanted, still want. He was what I believed to be more than what I deserved no matter what he said.  
  
But being a stubborn vampire that he is, he believed himself as undeserving and moved away from me, to leave me alone in this wild and evil existence, to fight alone.  
  
I should hate him for leaving me but I can't. Every single part of me loves him and always will. We had a relationship, which was doomed from the start. Maybe it was good that he left me, left me alone to live my life. Who am I kidding? I don't think I can go on without him by my side.  
  
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	3. Chap 3

Chap 3  
  
Blood. It tells us everything and means so much. It gives life, takes life and IS life. Nothing can survive without blood. Deep red, glistening blood runs through all our veins, pumping in and out of our solid muscles, allowing us to live our lives. Most people take it for granted.  
  
I don't.  
  
Without blood, I wouldn't be able to survive and it was her blood that allowed me to live. Slayer's blood. The richest, most succulent blood that any vampire could taste, a craving that all vampires desire.  
  
Yet still she had to force me.  
  
My Buffy stood before me, anger blazed through her eyes as she stared at me, watching as the poison began to weaken my body. She knew I needed her blood to survive. Her hands balled into fists as she tried to force me to drink, but I would not. Punches were thrown, until finally I was forced into my game face. I knew I couldn't win against her. She drew back her hair and revealed her neck to me, so soft and ready, I had to take it.  
  
I bit hard, blood began to drizzle down her neck as I drank, and I found I could not let go, my arms wrapped tightly around her body keeping her close to me as I drank. Soon she was unconscious and I was cured.  
  
I crave human blood now. Slayer blood. My first few weeks in LA were hell, each time I passed a human the urge to bite grew more and more, till finally he came to me and helped me fight the good fight.  
  
My soul sunk further into depression as he spoke to me, telling me my pathetic life story. Doyle was his name and he was sent by the Powers that Be.  
  
It was all good him telling me everything that had already happened, I just needed to know what to do next. So I was sent on my mission and this is what I have done since. Cordelia then appeared. She had always annoyed me in Sunnydale, always getting in the way and acting all cheer leady.. never liked her type. But since she has worked for me she has grown up, she'll even agree to slice off some demons head once in a while.  
  
So everything seemed to settle down. I knew my mission and my gang grew, as more and more challenges were set. Wesley even appeared. We all fought together side by side, always being there for one another yet there was still something missing.  
  
Buffy.  
  
I still yearned for her and every night I was tempted to return back to Sunnydale to visit my love. It wasn't as if we never saw one another again though. Not long after Doyle and Cordelia had appeared, Doyle received a vision that meant me going back to Sunnydale.  
  
Instantly I chose to stay hidden, get the job done and to leave as soon as possible. Everything went well and within an evening I was back in LA, having helped my slayer successfully without her seeing me.  
  
Xander and his big fucking mouth.  
  
Next thing I knew she was in my office, eyes blazing, screaming at me for lurking near her. We agreed to keep away from each other. Then the inevitable happened and a demon appeared. To cut a long story short, I ended up human for a while, which obviously I spent with Buffy in a bed.  
  
There are always down sides to everything.  
  
We discovered that my human abilities were not so great after all. I couldn't successfully kill the demon so Buffy had to do it; I had endangered not only myself but Buffy as well. I had to change back.  
  
The Oracles agreed and the day was taken back, leaving it only in my memory. To this day I did not have the heart to tell her.  
  
So she left in huff, both of us having agreed to keep out of each other's way. But she returned, this time in search of Faith. Once she saw that I had taken her under my wing so to speak, she freaked and yet again stormed off.  
  
I couldn't leave it like that.  
  
I went back to Sunnydale to find her but unfortunately came across her "Boyfriend" first. Riley. Such a dickhead! He knew who I was and assumed I was back to my Angelus phase. He has a hell of a lot to learn!  
  
We fought, until finally I got away and was able to see my girl. She was tired and beaten up and instant worried filled my mind. Then Riley returned, guns blazing and determined not to leave me alone with her. Lucky for me, she saw that we needed to talk and we did, finally settling that we should keep in touch.  
  
I left her that night my heart held in my hands. I saw her there with Riley. Even though I didn't like him, I could see that she was happy, that she had finally got what she deserved. Jealousy ignited inside me as I thought of them together, his hands all over her outside in the sunlight where I couldn't go.  
  
My hands were bloodied when I got back to LA. My fury had been taken out on a solid stone pillar.  
  
The next time I saw her I hadn't even dreamed about. Her mom had died. Sorrow filled me and although the lady hated me and had wished me to leave her daughter alone, I had to be there for her, hold her in my arms for as long as she needed, forever if she wished it. We had kissed that night and the two of us knew that it wasn't a good path to go down. I left once again, a coward as always.  
  
Willow came to me months later, instantly I knew something was wrong and for the first time in ages I was panic stricken, my mind empty. It was Buffy, my girl, my slayer, my love.  
  
She took me aside from the others and whispered it to me quietly as tears brimmed in her eyes.  
  
"She's dead Angel."  
  
That was all I could make out. The panic rose and suddenly I found myself growling low and deep, I let out a roar loud enough to wake the devil. I was blind with anger and hatred. Why had my baby died?  
  
And here I sit, my head held in my hands as tears continue their journey down my face. I could have been there for her; I SHOULD have been there for her. But it was too late now and she was dead. Death comes to us all and her life was probably not meant to be as long as it was; yet I wanted her to live forever. Someone was going to pay for this.  
  
I reach out in front of me and grasp my note pad from weeks before; a small black and white drawing is the first page I see. It's of her. Buffy. Her face is smiling, so full of life. A look I will never see again.  
  
The door knocks and Cordelia enters, a glass of blood held out in her hand. I take it from her and make her leave, my dark eyes strong and piecing. She turns as she reaches the doorway.  
  
"It's ok Angel, It'll be ok."  
  
I throw the glass hard towards her and it smashes against the back of the door, blood dripping slowly down the solid oak. How could it be ok? She is dead and it was all because of me.  
  
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	4. Chap 4

Chap 4  
  
I rose from the pavement with a hole in my heart. He was gone and I had to move on with my life. I returned to the gang with a smile on my face, trying not to show the pain I was in.  
  
Life carried on as it always does. I had finished high school so I promptly returned to collage and set my head around finishing the next stage to my life. I settled in quickly and hid the pain that I still felt for the departure of my love and each night as I patrolled through Sunnydale, I would reflect on our days together and wish it was still the same.  
  
Then he returned. My Angel returned to Sunnydale on a "Mission." But instead of being a charming ex-boyfriend coming to visit he decided to skulk around and avoid me the entire time he was here. All my friends knew but I did not, most of them choosing to keep it a secret too.  
  
Thank god for Xander and his big mouth.  
  
I travelled to LA, my blood boiled with anger. How dare he skulk around in my town and not come and visit me or let me know what he was doing. I stormed into his office demanding answers and he just said it was for the best. Although I was thankful for him turning up and helping me out with something that was clearly a lot larger than I could have expected, I was still mad with him. I suggested that we should keep away from each other, that way maybe I will learn to forget about him. With that a demon appeared which Angel killed instantly, it was amazing, I stood in awe. Then remembering why I was there, I left, not realising that our paths would cross again soon.  
  
Then I met Riley Finn. He was a normal, down to earth kinda guy, who respected me and adored me. He was everything that Angel wasn't but still he was not my Angel all he offered was a way out of my self-pity. There was more to this Riley than met the eye though.  
  
He didn't know I was the slayer and I didn't no he was part of the Initiative, a government conspiracy that involved capturing and experimenting on demons.  
  
Inevitably we both found out the others secrets and worked side by side, I would help him to capture the demons he needed to take back to the base. He was nearly as strong as I was and I was surprised, considering he was just human guy.  
  
Then we discovered that not only did they experiment on demons but on humans too. And Riley was one of many. His mentor, Professor Walsh had been secretly building a multi-demon by the name of Adam, he was both deadly and almost invincible. He killed his "Mother", and the next thing I knew we were having a full-scale battle against him.  
  
I discovered that Faith was back in LA. Instantly I went to track her down, but when I reached LA I found her in his arms. Angel's arms. Jealousy and hatred burned through me and an argument insured between Angel and myself. I told him about Riley and I hoped it hurt like hell.  
  
Little did I expect that Angel would return to Sunnydale in a hope to fix things. I went back and carried on with my life, trying once again to forget about Angel. Poor Riley, he couldn't understand what we had had and when I had returned from LA he had assumed that we had continued our relationships when I was there.  
  
Angel returned and Riley was the first thing he saw. So began the pissing contest. They fought and Angel got away to come and see me. Riley was steaming mad and came after him, refusing to leave us alone to sort things out. I took Angel aside and we discussed it, ending on peaceful terms this time. I watched as the dark brooding figure left me once again and the urge to stop him and hug him was unbearable. Yet now I knew he was there for me when I needed him.  
  
And the next time I saw him I was desperate to see him  
  
Mum had died and I was left alone in this world to look after my sister. How could I have been expected to bring up a teenager responsibly and protect a hellmouth? I wasn't ready for it.  
  
After her funeral he came to me and simply held me in his arms. The comfort he offered was unbelievable. I could have stayed in his arms forever and forget the world outside but I knew I had to move on.  
  
I kissed him. Such a bad idea! We both knew that wasn't the way to go and he left once more.  
  
I fought on with life and the pain began to dull as I slowly began to push him away into the deepest part of my memory. I could never forget him, I never will.  
  
Then came the battle with Glory. She wanted my sister, the key, and she certainly wasn't going to get her. I fought through those months like I never knew I could until finally it all ended and I knew complete peace.  
  
The portal opened up and I stared into my sister's eyes as I began to tell her what I was about to do: Sacrifice my life for hers.  
  
"You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong  
  
Dawn, the hardest thing in this world ... is to live in it. Be brave. Live.  
  
For me."  
  
Those were my last words as I took a running leap of the high-rise platform into the bright light below. And as I ran all I could think about was Angel. There was no more hope of me seeing him again and I wished I could have said Goodbye to him. I hit the light and my body tore with pain, tears began to run down my face as I thought of him, my love, as slowly the life began to drain from my body.  
  
The portal closed and I was dead, I was never going to see my Angel again.  
  
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	5. Chap 5

Authors note: Well this one doesn't seem to be going down to well..What is up with it!! Someone point me in the right direction if the storyline gets a bit weak and PLEASE GIMME REVIEWS coz otherwise I might have to stop this story altogether!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 5  
  
Days past yet the pain continued to burn savagely inside me. I couldn't sleep, drink, talk; I couldn't do anything and my life felt as if it had fallen to pieces. I wallowed in my own self-pity as I began to descend further and further into darkness, those who loved me watched me fall as I mourned my love's death, they too had to suffer the consequences.  
  
I spent my time in my room either drawing pictures of my Buffy from memories or brooding about what could have been. What should have been. Why hadn't I stayed?  
  
Maybe if I hadn't left her then none of this would ever have happened, she wouldn't have died.  
  
If only I had been there.  
  
Willow had told me what happened, how Dawn was taken and the desperate attempts made by all to save her, even from Spike. But I had not attempted, Glory had not felt MY wrath.  
  
Spike.  
  
Jealousy fills me as I think about the bastard who had been there in Buffy's last waking moments. Since when did he deserve to be graced with her glorious presence? My hand clenches as I think about it making impact with my childes face.  
  
Buffy had given her life for another, such a sacrifice, such as destiny. She lived and fought like no other yet her destiny proclaimed her death to be for another. Why couldn't it have been me?  
  
Anger would fill me as I thought of these moments. WHY??? I'd think Buffy as selfish for sacrificing herself without allowing me to help in some way. She had been in so much trouble yet she had not once picked up the phone and announced that she was in trouble and needed help. Hell I would have been there if she called.  
  
I would have been there in a heartbeat.  
  
I decided to leave LA for a while, to get away and at least find some solace. I went to Sri Lanka and left my people, hoping they could regain some life while I was gone.  
  
Once in Sri Lanka I studied with the ancient monks that taught me about spiritual healing and the like. Slowly the pain began to dull although I knew it would burn dimly forever inside of me.  
  
Turns out Sri Lanka has its own fair share of demons though, as I realise my work is never done.  
  
After gaining some kind of control over the guilt and emptiness that I felt I went back to LA, back to my own destiny, to continue my undead life the only way I knew how:  
  
Fighting Demons.  
  
So I continued to fight for the PTB and I felt sorry for the demons I began to take down, using them as punch bags to release my pent up frustration.  
  
Then one night while I was sat with Fred outside, Cordelia came to me and announced the unimaginable.  
  
"Willows on the phone. She's alive! Buffy's alive!"  
  
With one look at Fred I was on my feet and bolting for the back door, half of me believing this as a sick joke the other overcome with immense joy.  
  
As I reached the phone I heard Willow's voice and insisted on speaking to my girl, my Buffy.  
  
Her voice was tired and troubled but her tone just washed over me and I felt as if I would cry. I arranged to meet her, concern welled up inside me. Had she visited a hell dimension like I did?  
  
I hung the phone up and sank down against the nearest wall, my knees felt like jelly. Cordelia and the gang pressed me for information but I was too ecstatic to help and just mumbled:  
  
"I've got to see her."  
  
I stood quickly; my legs took the rest of me to the car, my mind barely able to register who I actually just spoke to. My Buffy, she was back.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	6. Chap 6

Authors note: For some reason I get the impression that not many people like this fic... Should I stop? Or are there still people reading it? Please review thanx!!!!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 6  
  
I was at total peace. No worries. No more loneliness. And there defiantly weren't any demons. How good could it get?  
  
That was until I was wrenched from that place of total peace.  
  
I awoke and I remember the distinct smell of mud and earth as I slowly opened my eyes. It took a moment to realise where I was and at first I thought this had to be some sort of joke.  
  
Then the panic set in.  
  
I was buried alive. I clawed at the wooden coffin, desperately trying to get out of the soiled prison, my hands bled as I scraped, my nails leaving large indents in the solid wood.  
  
Finally the lining came away and soil poured in on me, covering my body with the thick, brown substance. Eventually I managed to claw my way out into the world, I remember thinking where the hell was I.  
  
I trailed the streets desperately trying to remember the place, everything looked so familiar. Large demons passed me on motorcycles and for some reason it didn't feel strange to see beasts riding motorcycles.  
  
My friends.  
  
They tried to jog my memory yet they hadn't realised that I had to dig my own way out of my grave. Only one person knew how I had felt.  
  
Spike.  
  
He hadn't even realised I was alive, until I descended the stairs revealing myself to him. I took one look at him and it all came flooding back.  
  
What he did for me and Dawn, it was unbelievable.  
  
Then he saw me and I saw the utter disbelief that crossed his face as he scanned my body to make sure it was actually me. He stopped when he saw my hands, bloodied and sore.  
  
He took me by the hand and began to fix them up and I asked him how long I had been gone.  
  
"Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh ... hundred forty-eight today"  
  
He had kept count.  
  
Soon I insisted that Willow should call Angel, my one true love. I had to tell him I was back.  
  
I heard her on the phone to Cordelia and then finally to Angel. He insisted on speaking to me, a typical Angel trait to check on his girl.  
  
His girl?  
  
But was I his girl? It had been a long time since I had seen him last, he'd probably moved on with his life. My heart sank as I thought about it.  
  
"Hey." His voice sounded worried.  
  
"Hey" I mumbled back, tiredness seeped into my body.  
  
"I need to see you." I heard his smooth voice and it calmed me.  
  
"OK."  
  
He hung up. I knew the place to meet him, it had been an old retreat that he knew about and had told me about hundreds of times.  
  
I walked back into the living room and looked out at my friends that were busy sorting out my bills etc. I told them that I had spoken to Angel and that I had to go now, I had to see him now.  
  
I left the house and began making my trip. Finally I would be seeing Angel after so long of being apart. For some reason I was so nervous I felt like a teenager all over again.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	7. Chap 7

Authors note: This chappy will alternate between Angel and Buffy, starting with Angel.. Hope this is ok!!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 7  
  
My hands shook as I pulled out my car keys and shoved them into the ignition. I sped off, my eyes blurred with confusion and doubt. This couldn't be her? How could she have returned from the dead?  
  
Before I knew it I had pulled up outside a small wooden hut near an old forest. I sat for a moment, gathering up my thoughts and feelings. What would I say? I reached out for the door handle and made my way towards the hut.  
  
I opened the door slowly, dreading entering for fear of what I might find. There was no one there. *Typical * I thought to myself, opening a small box near the door and switching on the electrics and heating. I had never known her to be early.  
  
I suddenly found myself pacing up and down the living room, my head swam with worry. That if she went thought the pain I went through? I was so busy worrying I didn't even hear the door open.  
  
Click.  
  
I heard it close though. I looked up quickly and there she stood, tired and weak but still she gave me a smile. I returned it and for a couple of minutes neither of us knew what to say.  
  
********* (Buff)  
  
I approached the front door and panic gripped my senses. What if he didn't turn up?  
  
I opened the door and there he stood, my Angel, dressed typically in black pacing the room slowly, his brow furrowed into lines of worry. I closed the door firmly behind me and he looked up, instantly noticing me.  
  
My first reaction was to smile. Like in most situations, I felt that it was a good way to break the ice. He looked at me and his half smile appeared, his chocolate brown eyes relaxed slightly at the sight of me. I felt my body relax more and the nauseous feeling began to subside. Here he was, so tall and proud, standing before me like a true warrior.  
  
Yet he stood so far away.  
  
This began a new wave of worry. That was until I heard his soft whispering voice from across the room and I felt everything go numb.  
  
****** (Angel)  
  
"Hey" I whispered, I said it so quiet I couldn't believe she actually heard me.  
  
"Hi." She smiled.  
  
Suddenly I realised how far away we stood from each other, Buffy was still stood against the door.  
  
I crossed the room in seconds and then paused just in front of her. Did she still want me this close to her?  
  
****** (Buff)  
  
I watched him walk and my heart skipped a beat as everything started to move in slow motion. He never took his eyes off me that was until he stopped.  
  
For some reason I was filled with the desire to be once again in his arms, to be safe from the outside world, to feel protected. So I stepped forward slightly and hugged him tight, feeling his arms wrap around me was like a massive shield being placed around my body.  
  
****** (Angel)  
  
I had no reason to doubt.  
  
Instantly I felt her arms wrap around my back and her head rested on my chest. Automatically I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer to me. Then she let it all out. I felt her body tense and start to shake as she burst into uncontrollable tears.  
  
My automatic reaction was to kiss her lightly on the head and rock her body against mine, in an attempt to soothe my slayer.  
  
Yet still she cried.  
  
******(Buffy)  
  
As the safety and warmth invaded my senses I felt finally as if I could let it all out. I burst into tears and he held me, not saying anything or asking any questions he just held me close till finally I quietened.  
  
His arms loosened and he turned me to face him. I looked up into his eyes and he took my hands and led me to the sofa, sitting me down next to him. I curled up into a ball and he put his arms around me, keeping my body close to his. Then he spoke.  
  
******(Angel)  
  
I took her to the sofa and kept her close. I knew it was a bad time to talk but I had to get it off my chest, find out how bad it really was.  
  
"What happened Buff." I held her hand again in mine, yet this time I noticed the cuts and bruises that ran across her knuckles.  
  
"I dug my way out." She simply answered.  
  
Horror hit me. I remembered from when I had dug myself out from a grave, but back then I felt no fear - it was exhilarating. But for a human being to have to crawl out of a grave must have been hell.  
  
*****(Buffy)  
  
I hesitated at the question. I knew I couldn't keep the truth from him: He knew me to well.  
  
So I answered and felt the eerie silence fill the room as I anticipated an answer. His body grew rigid beside me as he heard the words.  
  
****** (Angel)  
  
"How long were you gone?" I remember her asking me the same question all those years ago.  
  
"Long time." She answered, yet didn't seem to be cut up about it.  
  
******(Buff)  
  
I couldn't hold back, I had to tell him that I had been to heaven and had been at peace finally. I found myself desperate to get it out; I had to tell someone about what had happened.  
  
I shifted slightly and looked up at him from my position.  
  
"Angel, I-I was in heaven."  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	8. chap 8

Chap 8  
  
I finished my sentence and felt his gaze fall upon me in shock. I avoided his eyes for fear of what he would say, what he would do. I could feel the familiar brewing of tears inside of my eyes and I desperately fought them back, praying that I could hold out just a little longer.  
  
Finally I stole a gaze.  
  
There he sat. His broad muscular frame, hunched over with worry and disbelief, his chocolate brown eyes stared deep into mine, stirring my soul deep inside.  
  
******  
  
"I-I was in heaven."  
  
I played the words over and over in my head; utter disbelief crossed my face as I fought for something comforting to say.  
  
What could I say to a slayer that had just returned from heaven to live in a place like this?  
  
She looked back at me and I stared at her for a long time, her beautiful eyes showed so much pain and grief.  
  
"Oh baby" I sighed and brought her in again for a hug.  
  
The tears fell once more.  
  
"I've come back to hell Angel, I'm in hell." I heard her mutter into my chest as I held her close to me.  
  
I peeled her away from my body and placed a finger under her chin and brought her face up to mine. Slowly, I used my thumbs to brush away the fine salty tears that stained her unblemished skin.  
  
Desire swept through my body and I fought hard to dampen it, once again the burning fire rose up inside of me as I thought of all the times I had kissed her.  
  
******  
  
So the tears fell. I allowed them; well when I say, "allowed" I hardly had a choice but to let them fall from the hidden depths of my soul. I hardly ever cry and when I do, it is more than likely to be in front of Angel.  
  
He looked down on me and swept away the tears that fell and once again I felt safe and protected in his presence.  
  
Our eyes locked, each of us reading the other moves, anticipating what was to happen next. He made the move.  
  
Inch by inch I felt his body get closer to mine, as he bent his head down towards me. I smiled at him as he kissed me lightly on the cheek and came away to face me once more, his smile held a sign of reassurance.  
  
I closed my eyes and felt his lips once again but this time against mine, sweeping back and forth over mine, his hands moved to encircle me tighter against his muscular frame.  
  
******  
  
So the desire burst from its fiery cell and I kissed her lightly on the cheek, my body coursed with flames, as I wanted more. But it could not be.  
  
Damn the fucking curse.  
  
For a moment I forgot the curse and kissed her passionately, bringing her body closer to mine. Everything seemed to fade into a black void as the hut around us seemed to whirl into an ultimate oblivion. This was my girl.  
  
It's unbelievable to think that this one person had such a huge effect on me that it sent my senses into a whirling frenzy.  
  
I felt her tiny arms wrap around me tighter as the kiss was deepened and my hands found there way under her shirt to reveal her soft white skin underneath. I smoothed my hands up and down her back as we kissed; my body yearned to be closer to hers.  
  
******  
  
The room began to spin. All noises ceased and I found myself completely alone with my Angel, everything around us had gone. The kiss deepened as his tongue slipped into my mouth and rubbed against mine.  
  
I felt his hands under my shirt and followed suit, slipping my warm hands up under his shirt, feeling his ice-cold skin against my own. He flinched as I touched him, smoothing my hands up the front of his chest, feeling his tight muscles rippling under his skin.  
  
This was my dream. To be once again in the arms of my love, my Angel.  
  
And here we were in a moment of almost perfect happiness; all we needed to accomplish it was just a few layers away..  
  
****** Panic entered my mind as we continued to kiss, both of us eager to be closer to the other.  
  
I broke the kiss and we both breathed heavily: One of us had to, the other just did it for show.  
  
Buffy's eyes crossed with confusion as I held her at arms length in front of me, suddenly realising how close we had become to releasing the ultimate demon. Angelus.  
  
"Ohh" The confusion disappeared from her face.  
  
"We can't" I shrugged; I had said this line way too much.  
  
"I know." She sighed, answering her usual answer.  
  
******  
  
Crap. If it weren't for his bastard of a demon I wouldn't be sat in silence now.  
  
I sighed at the realization and wished the awkward silence would quickly pass. This had happened so often; I couldn't even count it on my fingers anymore.  
  
Why wasn't there a cure for this fucking curse? Why could it not be broken? Why the hell did it always have to be my life that was completely fucked up?  
  
I leant into his body and rested my head on his chest, my feet rested up on the couch. Finally for the first time since I was back, I felt sleep slowly seep into my aching body and send me into a dreamy slumber.  
  
****** Her fragile body curled itself up against mine like a tiny kitten and I felt her head rest against my cool chest. I wrapped my arm around her waist, keeping her secure against my body and listened to her breathing.  
  
It wasn't long until the familiar sound of sleep had washed over the tiny slayer's body.  
  
I reached my arms underneath her and lifted her effortlessly off my lap and carried her to my room. There, I laid her out and as soon as she left the touch of my body she gave a little whimper.  
  
I smiled and clambered in beside her, lying on my side and scooping her in closer to my body.  
  
"Goodnight." I whispered, planting a kiss upon her head before allowing sleep to invade my senses.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! If you have any ideas about this fic, plz TELL ME!!!!!! Thanx *~* 


	9. Chap 9

Authors note: Right I was thinking the same as many of you - Yeah lets make it a happy ending, scrap the last seasons etc. But OH NO!! my imagination suddenly leapt up and yelled "AH HA!" and now I've come up with something that many of you will probably not like.. Could involve B/S slightly..  
  
Don't panic!! I couldn't stick with it like that anyways! I love Angel way too much to let him be kicked out of the picture.. Don't you worry B/A lovers I'm sure you'll get your wishes in the end..  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 9  
  
I kept my eyes shut even though I was awake. Finally I was happy to be lying next to my love, I just wanted the moment to last forever.  
  
Damn those moments, for as I wished for longer, I knew that the time would pass quicker than I could ever imagine.  
  
I rolled over slowly and there he was, lying on his side, his head leaned upon his hand as he stared back at me.  
  
"You always awake before me?" I asked with a smile.  
  
"Always." He answered and kissed me on the forehead.  
  
"I have to go." I whispered, screwing my eyes up and damning fate.  
  
"I know" He whispered back. How did he always know?  
  
*****  
  
As she said the words I had anticipated since she had arrived, I cringed. Just as I get my baby back, she has to leave my side once more.  
  
Life's a bitch.  
  
But I put on a brave face and smiled trying to reassure my girl that everything was going to be alright: That she was going to be alright.  
  
And so she left, this time it was my turn to stand in the shadows and watch her retreating back. And feel the darkness once more fall into my life.  
  
*****  
  
I had to turn my back and leave. For if I had to look into those deep eyes once more I was sure I was going to crack.  
  
Now that's one thing I couldn't afford.  
  
I was the slayer; I was designed NOT to crack.  
  
Months past and a deep void appeared inside of me and all I wanted was to feel. To once more feel pleasure and pain, hope and life. No one could help me accomplish that. Except Spike.  
  
Even now I think of those moments and kick myself. WHY? Why had I turned to the undead for help? Why do I always turn to the undead for help?  
  
I remember the first time. Yes, we were both thrown into a magical moment of singing but still I allowed myself to want him, to want to kiss him. And as we finished our last few words the two of us broke into a passionate kiss, serenaded by the distant sounds of my friends singing.  
  
And then there was the time when I lost my memory. Burning fire inside of me had started it and there we were and in public to, kissing like there was no tomorrow.  
  
But there was a tomorrow and that ended in more disaster than ever.  
  
This time there was more than just kissing. This time I allowed him to touch what he had always wanted. I allowed him to "Shag" me, as he would put it. It was this that kicked off a chain reaction.  
  
So night after night I was to be found, curled up in his crypt, fucking him like he was a toy, a toy that I could simply pick up and play with whenever I wanted. That was what was so sick about it. All he was was just a fucking toy.  
  
******  
  
So night drew on and I left the hut, making my way back to LA this time more slowly. I entered the Hyperion and the guys wanted answers but as always I retreated into my broody self and wouldn't answer a thing.  
  
The months past and I found myself yearning to be with my girl, often you would find me at night, out in the open and staring up at the stars, imagining what she was up to back in Sunnydale.  
  
Then my son was born.  
  
I was filled with the weirdest feeling that any man could feel: Fatherhood. I would hold him in my arms and imagine how amazing it would be to have Buffy stood next to me and peer down at my son and call it her own. What a family we would be.  
  
Then I was robbed of that feeling. My son was taken from me and I was left once again alone in this cold world and yet again I retreated into my dark self, unforgiving, lonely and full of hatred.  
  
But then a miracle happened and my son returned to me yet he had aged considerably and now stood as an 18 year old in front of me scared and alone. All I wanted to do was to love him as my own once more.  
  
But he was corrupt.  
  
Years in another dimension with one of my enemies had turned him against me and I found myself in the worst position imaginable. To be a father but not know your own son.  
  
In the mean time I had started to look at Cordelia in a different light. Yes I loved Buffy and she would always be my only true love but I had to move on. In Cordelia I hoped to place my love.  
  
But the PTB did not want it and took her away from me leaving me to battle my own son on the shores of California. And that was were he won, were he finally completed the task set by his other "father." He sent me to the bottom of the ocean to spend eternity.  
  
While in my watery grave my mind flashed to my Buffy about why I had never done anything since she had returned. When I knew she was dead I spent hours deliberating over how it should never have happened, I should have stayed with her. And look at me now, I let her leave my side; leave me to brood about what could have been, what should have been.  
  
So the day when Wesley raised me from the ocean was the day I planned my return; I was going back to my girl.  
  
Little did I know how things had changed, how different she was, how wrong was I to call her my girl..  
  
*~* Please read and review *~* 


	10. Chap 10

Authors note: This could be a long and painful journey guys..sorry. In the following chaps I will still be writing from POV but You will stand for either Angel or Buffy, depending on who's POV it is. Thanks for the reviews everyone!!!!  
  
Here goes..  
  
Chap 10  
  
"Welcome to Sunnydale." I glanced at the sign that passed me by as I drove into the old town. How could anyone be welcomed to the Hellmouth?  
  
I continued to drive, allowing my senses to kick in, knowing that I would find you no matter where you would be.  
  
I passed the first cemetery and felt no tingling sensation and continued my journey until finally I felt it, faint yet not that far away. I stopped the car and stepped out into the night to find my love.  
  
I walked onwards, excitement was building up inside me as I thought that I was finally coming home. Finally I was returning to you, like a soldier from a long forgotten war.  
  
I smiled to myself as I walked, wondering what you were doing, wondering if you were busy fighting the good fight.  
  
Damn I wish I had turned and fled the moment I felt the tingle.  
  
But no, the dumbass that I am meant that I continued my searching.  
  
Finally I reached an old crypt, I could sense that you were inside. Hunting a new demon perhaps. Pity I was too consumed in finding you that I didn't pick up my childes sent.  
  
******  
  
I pulled Spike down for another kiss, embracing his body against mine. My nails left deep ridges in his back as I scrapped them along his tough skin, blood drizzled down the little rivulets.  
  
Our tongues met in a force of fury as I tore at his clothing, dying to be closer to his dead skin. He knew I needed him.  
  
"Slayer." His voice sounded gruff and unsteady.  
  
Then he entered me, pounding into me with such ferocity that I'm sure a human body would not have been able to stand. Such force that even I feared my bones would break.  
  
The door slammed open.  
  
I peered out from under Spike and there you stood, there stood my love. My heart skipped a beat as I saw your face, contorted into an angry growl. If looks could kill.  
  
Spike stopped moving as he noticed what I was looking at and instantly a pleasure-ridden smile appeared on his cold face.  
  
"Well look what the cat dragged in." Spike made no attempt to move away from me.  
  
"Spike." I sounded from beneath him, pushing my hands against his chest in an effort to move him. He moved once my slayer strength kicked in.  
  
"Angel."  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Peaches."  
  
The room fell into silence. I sat still, not wanting you to see the pain that had just crossed my face, not wanting you to see the anguish I now felt. I dared not to look at you for fear of what you would say. Do.  
  
Tension grew within the room as both of you fought for male dominance, even though this was Spike's place. I knew you were both searching for weakness in the other.  
  
Spike rose from the bed and slipped his jeans on, not taking his eyes off of you, yet still I sat, unable to move, my eyes searched the room for an escape. Unluckily for me, you blocked my only one.  
  
******  
  
Bastard. Bastard. Bastard.  
  
How dare he touch you. How dare he lay a finger on you. How DARE he kiss you. I swallowed my anger as I stared at you, desperate to strike out at Spike, yet I contained the anger. There was plenty of time for torture; I just didn't want you to see the violence that I could produce.  
  
Spike stalked up to me, his body showed signs of readiness. But what for? Readiness to fight or readiness to flee? Then there was the smell.  
  
He reeked of you from head to toe. No longer did he smell of fags and whisky but of you. Not of Dru or hell, maybe some whore but you. Now that was what threw me over the edge.  
  
With one quick movement my fist had connected with his face. I moved so fast that all he could do was block my advances. I took pleasure in the sound of his swearing voice and occasional yelps of pain, I especially took pleasure in the sound of bones cracking and the satisfying squelch as my knuckles met his flesh.  
  
My knuckles grew sore, from the friction created between his face and my hand, but still I continued, there was no way I was going to stop.  
  
Until I heard your tiny voice, so far away.  
  
And once more I was yanked forcefully back to reality as I steadied my hand and forced my muscles to stop. You were sat, curled up on the bed your deep green eyes bore into mine and then you spoke once more.  
  
"Stop." You almost whispered it. It was faint and feeble yet I heard the slight hint of demand that hung in the air between us.  
  
I looked down at Spike, his bruised and bloodied body lay stretched out on the floor. I gave one last kick before leaving; I had to get out into the open. I had to get away from the smells.  
  
******  
  
As I watched you, a wave of happiness almost swept over me. Almost. Finally someone had saved me from Spike, you were my saviour.  
  
You left and I let you go. I knew now that our relationship could never be redeemed we could no longer carry on as friends after you saw what I did.  
  
I'm cheap. I'm a cheap whore. That's all I am. I look down at the position I am in, sat naked upon Spike's bed. The worst position I could ever be in.  
  
I dressed slowly not wanting to go out and face you but knowing that you would want to talk it through. Its what you always want to do.  
  
"Buffy." Spike mumbles from the floor and attempts to get up.  
  
"What?" I say tearfully.  
  
"Don't go to the ponce."  
  
"What you going to do Spike? Come and get me?"  
  
He sighed a uneedy sigh and lay back down on the solid concrete. I had won, for now.  
  
****** This was too much for me to take. Imagine your worst fears and then double them by a million. That was how I felt. That is what you did to me.  
  
My knuckles ached and blood stained my hands. His dirty blood stained my hands. I looked at them once more and decided it wasn't enough of Spike's blood.  
  
Then you rounded the corner like a glistening princess. As soon as I saw you, anger and fury soon gave way to love and devotion.  
  
You avoided my look. I could sense that you were uneasy, your breathing was sharp and shallow and for some reason you were scared.  
  
Scared? Do you really think I would hurt you?  
  
Stupid question really, when I had hurt you so many times before but mentally rather than physically. Finally I caught a glance at your deep eyes. What I saw shocked me more than you could imagine.  
  
No longer was I able to look deep into your soul and know exactly what you felt, all I could see were deep black, bottomless holes that seemed to stretch for eternity.  
  
Anger rose again inside me. He had done this to you, he had stained you. I now felt myself angry with you. You had been given another chance at life but yet you chose to do this, chose to live it with Spike.  
  
"Why?" My words stumbled out before I could stop them.  
  
"I needed to feel."  
  
"Feel? FEEL? Why couldn't you have come to me? I would have helped."  
  
"Angel, your not part of my life anymore, you were the one who moved on. I need to learn to get help without you."  
  
"So you turn to Spike."  
  
"It wasn't like that."  
  
"Looked like it to me."  
  
"You were the one that ran out on me Angel, you were the one that has allowed me to suffer this torment without you. I had to cope. I had to cope without you by my side through all those years. You think I can't cope now?"  
  
Her words cut into me like knifes.  
  
"Clearly you can't!" I gestured towards the crypt.  
  
She fell silent. "Go." Her words were spoken so defiantly it struck me hard. This time she didn't turn her eyes away from me and instead of black holes; I saw the burning fire of her anger. "How dare you just walk in to my life and expect me to instantly take you back."  
  
"I never said that." True, true.  
  
"You were thinking it though Angel, Just go will you?"  
  
"No." I stood my ground.  
  
"Then I will." She turned her back and fled.  
  
There she left me stood alone in the cemetery. Left me to think over what had just happened. She couldn't live like this, I wouldn't allow it, and she deserved more.  
  
*~* Please read and review *~* 


	11. Chap 11

Chap 11  
  
Don't know how long I ran from you. Or for that fact, where I was running to. All I could see was your face, the look on your face when you saw me and Spike. Together. I blinked again, desperately trying to get rid of the image, my eyes blinded with my own tears.  
  
Black Tears.  
  
I finally stopped. I was so tired from running, my body ached all over and my face was stained with the tears that continued to make their journey across my skin.  
  
Spike.  
  
The thought of that vampire still makes me feel sick. To think I willingly went to him. Sometimes even gladly went to him.  
  
I curled up, my head balanced on my knees, while I leant against an old oak tree that protruded from the moss-covered ground. What did you think of me now? Your shining beauty that has committed such an evil crime.  
  
******  
  
I knew she would run. It tended to be the type of thing that you would do. Run. Run like a rabbit blinded by headlights. As soon as you had to face up to something, you started to run.  
  
I decided against following you although I knew I would keep up, good having such a good trait as a vampire. Tracking you would be no problem. So instead of following you, I decided to talk to people, find out what's really been going on.  
  
I walked up the path of your house on Revello Drive and instantly felt a daunting feeling inside of me. What if they didn't know? What if your friends didn't know?  
  
It was too late I had found myself confronted by your solid front door.  
  
"Too late now." I took a useless breath of air before lifting my fist to knock upon the door.  
  
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.  
  
Xander opened the door. Really not a good thing. Our past hadn't exactly been a good one.  
  
"Hey." I looked down at my feet, not wanting to make eye contact.  
  
"Well, well, well, look who's come sweeping up the driveway Will." Xander continued to stare at me.  
  
"What?" Wow the red head looked different.  
  
"O-Oh hello, Angel, Do you need me to ask you in? Cause I can do that, um." Still her stammery self.  
  
"Come in." Xander said it for her.  
  
This time I looked up at him; it was the last thing I expected him to do. Xander Harries actually invited me in. Wow.  
  
I stepped in and followed them back into the lounge. Giles peered at me from the edge of his cup of tea.  
  
"Angel!" A squeal indicated Dawn had spotted me. It was amazing to think that she hadn't really met me before, but we still had memories of each other.  
  
"Dawn!" I replied. What else could I say?  
  
"Hello Angel, What brings you back to Sunnydale." Giles sighed. Never a good sign.  
  
Shit. Do I tell the watcher I came back for Buffy?  
  
"Needed to see Buffy that's all." I answered. See now that could mean anything.  
  
This would be an ideal moment. "How has she been?" I ask casually.  
  
"Fine" Xander suddenly spurts out from the corner.  
  
I cast a glance at him and his eyes drop. The room falls into silence.  
  
******  
  
I'm stood outside my house, preparing myself to go in. I do this most nights, I have to, I have to prepare the fake façade. So I plant on my fake smile and swing open the front door.  
  
"Hi Guys!" I force myself to sound happy.  
  
Silence.  
  
I look around in confusion and enter the lounge. There they are gathered around the room and stood in the centre is you. Panic suddenly wells up inside of me.  
  
Fuck, have you told them? Have you told them about Spike?  
  
One look at Xander and I know you haven't. His eyes don't show anger and hatred unlike yours. But who is it for? For me? Or for him?  
  
"Hey" Your voice is like honey but includes the bees, stinging and harsh.  
  
I say nothing. I have nothing more to say to you. How can words compare to what you have witnessed tonight?  
  
Suddenly the room has emptied and I am left standing alone with you. Damn my friends for disappearing at a moment when I don't want to be left alone with you for fear of the anger you hold.  
  
I have witnessed the anger tonight and for some reason I don't think it's the end.  
  
******  
  
I see the fake façade before you even step into the room. I can hear it on your voice, in your footfalls; I can smell it in the air. Smell it.  
  
I close my eyes just for a second and swallow my pain. With you, you have brought in his smell. I battle with my anger, my demon dares me to rise and strike. No, this is not how it should be dealt with.  
  
I look at you and see the blinded rabbit, you see me as your headlights.  
  
I approach you cautiously for fear of you fleeing, I must talk with you, I need to talk with you, not only for your benefit but also for my own. I reach you and you haven't moved, I try a smile to reassure you not to be afraid, not to run.  
  
You see the smile and reply with the same, although its very small and pain soon returns to your eyes.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	12. chap 12

Chap 12  
  
I have no need to talk straight away. This silence has a language of its own. I continue to stare down at you, searching you for a reaction, searching for something inside of you that tells me your still Buffy.  
  
You look like a child. Fragile, scared, innocent. I want to pick you up and tell you it's going to be all right, everything will be fine.  
  
But I can't.  
  
No matter how much I will my arms to reach out and touch your delicate body, the more I realise that the last per - Thing that touched you was Spike.  
  
Words cannot describe the pain I feel.  
  
******  
  
Silence. A thick heavy silence that I will you to break as it screams around my ears, making me feel alone once more even though you are stood right before me. Please. Talk.  
  
Even though I don't want to tell you about the last few months, another part of me is screaming inside to spill, allow the last months pain to spurt out into the open.  
  
But I hold on for fear of your reaction. Wait until you hear that the time you saw with Spike was one of many.  
  
******  
  
My voice breaks the silence like a sharp sword through metal.  
  
"Buff, private?" You look at me confused but then you click.  
  
"Oh, yeah." You take one look at me before turning your back and ascending the stair to your room.  
  
I follow, keeping close to you for yet again fear of you fleeing.  
  
You sit at the end of your bed and stare up at me with those deep green eyes and I feel my knees turn to jelly. I reach out beside me and catch hold of the side of your dressing table. Thank god something to keep me stable.  
  
I lean on it casually, as if on purpose.  
  
"Talk to me Buff, tell me what's been going on."  
  
******  
  
And with that it all came spilling out into the open. I told him everything from the singing to the memory loss and the wild sex to the incident with Riley. I let it all go.  
  
By the time I had finished I was in tears. Once again I had to re-live my nightmares.  
  
Looking at your face I could see you were living them too. You no longer leant against my dressing table but paced the room, your hands balled into large fists.  
  
Here came the fury..  
  
******  
  
I contained it for now. Spike would have to wait. I swallowed my male pride and looked at you as you sat in a crumpled heap upon your bed.  
  
There came the child issue again.  
  
But this time I didn't hesitate. Within a few strides I was sat next to you, your painful eyes looking deep into mine. I reached forward slowly to embrace you in a hug. My hands touched your body and instantly the cold met with the warm  
  
You flinched with my touch but still I persisted till finally you relaxed into my arms your head firmly buried in my chest, tears soaked my shirt.  
  
I made no effort to stop you. Let it all out baby.  
  
******  
  
You held me and I was safe. Warmth flowed into my body although you still feel so cold.  
  
Where was the anger now?  
  
Tension no longer became a barrier between us as you hugged me tighter, made me feel safer. Finally I start to feel free.  
  
I break the contact. Not because I don't want it but because I know I shouldn't have it. I don't deserve to be in your arms.  
  
"Angel, Why did you come back?" Although I knew the answer I had to hear it properly.  
  
******  
  
"I came back for you." Why could she read my mind?  
  
As soon as the words travelled across my lips I felt hatred once more burn inside of me. I had come back to you and how do you repay me? You sleep with Spike.  
  
My muscles tense and I move away from you with new shame. Now all I can see is you and Spike, at it together in his crypt.  
  
Confusion spreads across your face and for some reason I can't look at you the same way as I could a moment ago. Now I see anger, now I see red.  
  
"Angel?" Your voice was quiet and worried.  
  
"SPIKE" I yelled in response this time even though I fought the demon, it still rose.  
  
"It could have been anyone, anyone in the entire world yet you chose Spike, my fucking childe Buffy." I was pacing the floor.  
  
You didn't answer.  
  
"ANSWER ME" Fright appeared in your eyes. God damn me for my rage.  
  
"He was there for me Angel, he was there for me when the going got tough." You answer me meekly.  
  
"I was a phone call away. A PHONE CALL."  
  
"I didn't want to bother you with your new life. For all I knew you and Cordelia could have been getting it on." Reading my damn mind again.  
  
I sigh. Time to come up with a few home truths of my own "Buff, I slept with Darla."  
  
Tears drizzled down your face once more.  
  
*~* please read and review!!!! *~* 


	13. Chap 13

Chap 13  
  
What? That was one heck of a blast to the system. I sit completely still, my whole body completely stunned at your sudden revelation. You slept with Darla. I thought you had killed her.  
  
"B-But she's dead." My words hang in the air between us  
  
"No, Wolfram and Hart brought her back, they sent her to me and she tormented me in my dreams, dragging me slowly back into the darkness." You look down; I see the reluctance to look at me once more.  
  
"So you fucked her?"  
  
"I wanted to be Angelus once more Buff, I wanted to end this pain."  
  
"So you come here, ranting and raving about how I shouldn't have slept with Spike. Your such a damn hypocrite Angel."  
  
"But I've come back from the darkness Buff, that is what you must do." You look at me and I see your chocolate eyes glistening with tears.  
  
****** I could smell the sun rising, now I could not leave you, now I was stuck in this solid stone prison. My anger was melting as I realised my mistake. I realised I had done the same to you as you have done to me. I had moved on.  
  
But I no longer wish to move on.  
  
I want to stay with you always and protect you, claim you as my own. I want to fight at your side and see you through the tough times ahead. I want to come home.  
  
"I can't leave Buff." I nod towards the window and you see it to. You can see the faint glimmer of light appearing on the horizon.  
  
You stand gingerly and reach for the blinds, closing them and casting more darkness into the room.  
  
"Good to know you don't want me dead."  
  
"I never said that." Your eyes still show anger and pain.  
  
I grow quiet. I want to just forget the past few years and pretend this isn't long after your graduation and instead of arguing we are laughing. Laughing about our recent battle.  
  
There's a knock at the door. Xander enters.  
  
"Everything all right?" His eyes piece into mine, its clear he heard the shouting.  
  
"Yes fine." You don't take your eyes off me.  
  
Xander leaves and this time your eyes soften.  
  
******  
  
I look at you and the more I wish to hate you the more I find love trying to neutralise the hatred. I can't hate you. I could never hate you. Looking at you now I can see you don't hate me either, there is anger there but defiantly no hate for me.  
  
I walk up to you noticing that you don't move, your gaze fixed on me makes me feel nervous. I'm so close to you now I can hear you breathing, why your breathing I don't know but its relaxing me as I listen to the steady rise and fall of your breathing pattern.  
  
I'm getting caught in the moment, too caught up in the moment as I forget the arguments we just had and imagine just you and me and nothing else.  
  
******  
  
Shit your beautiful. For a moment my memory is erased about you and Spike and the arguments that followed and I find my legs walking my body towards you.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
You are so close I can almost feel your heart beating through your chest against mine. I tilt my head to the side to look at you once more before reaching down slowly and brushing a piece of hair out of your face.  
  
You smile. This time it's a strong smile that compels me to do what I have been thinking about ever since I saw you again. I bend my head downwards and stare into your green eyes seeking reassurance that this is ok with you.  
  
The smile remains.  
  
That's enough reassurance. I allow my lips to brush very lightly against yours like a feather.  
  
******  
  
Kissing. You have defiantly scored high points in that category. Your lips meet mine and my head spins. I lift my arms and encircle them around your neck pulling you closer and deeper into the kiss. Your arms find my waist and soon I can't get any closer to you.  
  
I open my mouth a little and you take the opportunity to slip your tongue inside to duel with mine, gently. My fingers knot themselves up in your hair as I realise that this is what I've been missing. These are the feelings that I am missing.  
  
"Whoa there. One minute you're fighting, next minute you're kissing, fighting, kissing." Xander had opened the door on our little moment but as soon as he sees us he chooses to leave. How much he has grown up.  
  
You hesitate. I can feel the tension in your body and you break the kiss your eyes are still closed.  
  
******  
  
Goddamn the happiness that is threatening to flow through me once more. I cannot let it happen. Your small hands rest against my chest and your lean your head on me.  
  
"Angel, there must be a way to get rid of the curse." You can feel the sexual tension too.  
  
You sigh.  
  
"There is a way."  
  
I turn to the doorway and see Willow, her hand is rested on the doorknob and confidence shines in her eyes. "I'll find a way." She shrugs.  
  
I reach my arm around the back of you and turn you around. You keep your hands on my chest, I can feel the warmth emitting through them. "You sure?" My voice is low and gruff.  
  
"You've been away a long time Angel, things have changed." Willow smiles at me and suddenly I feel the power that is surging through her.  
  
*~* Please read and review *~* 


	14. Chap 14

Chap 14  
  
"You sure about this?" I ask for the eighth time.  
  
"Yes! Geez Buff, I know what I'm doing!" Willow looks slightly aggravated.  
  
I look up at you and your sat anxiously in the corner of the room obviously nervous about the effects this might have. What if instead of removing the curse it removes your soul? I can almost read your mind.  
  
"Now the two of you need to leave me alone. This is one of them spells where I need to do it alone." Willow looked up and smiled at you. "It's ok, I have an Orb of Thessulah near by if anything goes wrong."  
  
You look back apprehensively.  
  
I walk up to you and suggest a patrol. "Get your mind off things." You smile back and follow me out of the house.  
  
******  
  
We walk in silence. I don't know why usually humans hate silence but with you it's different. It feels comforting. Every now and then I cast a glance at you and you look back and smile. I can't describe the feeling that rushes through me when you smile at me that way.  
  
A vamp attacks and I watch you take it easily in your stride with hardly help from me. You're so strong, I can see your muscles flexing as you move from punch to punch with ultimate grace. I smile as I watch you.  
  
"What?" You ask questionably.  
  
"It's been a long time since I last saw you do that."  
  
"Yeah well there's plenty more where that came -"  
  
"Damn right there is."  
  
A figure stepped out of the bushes; his platinum blonde hair shines brightly in the moonlit night.  
  
I roll my eyes. Great. Spike. Here to make my life just that much more great.  
  
He walks straight up to you and encircles your waist with his arms. My fingers click as I make them into fists. I see your hesitance as you look at me with fear in your eyes. Why are you scared? Its just Spike, you've kicked his ass many times before.  
  
Then I realise your fear.  
  
My face is in game face, and a deep menacing growl rumbles in my chest. My fists are clenched and every muscle in my body is tensed, ready to fight. It is not Spike your scared of, but me.  
  
I try to look at you reassuringly but I can't, the yellow glow of my eyes hides it. All you see is anger and hate.  
  
******  
  
As soon as I felt Spike's icy touch the sadness that had disappeared from my body had returned. I look up at you and see your face, contorted into that of a vampire, growling echoes around the small clearing that we are stood in.  
  
I fear you, I have seen just a fraction of your berserk rage and I wish not to see any more.  
  
I grab Spike's hands and unpeel them from my waist. I push him backwards and he falls.  
  
"Slayer." His voice falls on deaf ears. I no longer wish to hear his poisoned words.  
  
You are still stood still, I don't know why you haven't moved, haven't attempted to kill Spike. Normally you're fist would have met his face before I could have said lightening.  
  
Maybe you're waiting for something.  
  
I walk towards you slowly, showing that I do not want Spike and that all I want is you.  
  
******  
  
As you reach my side I cross the clearing in a matter of strides and stand, towering over Spike.  
  
"Get out of Sunnydale."  
  
Spike just laughs. Like he always does when he is faced with anger.  
  
"Stupid git, when are you going to learn.. She's mine!" Spike smiles up at me.  
  
"What?" You question. "I am not anybody's! Since when do you think I'm yours? I am not yours Spike and I am not Angel's either." You look at me and then glare at Spike.  
  
"Well after all those nasty little nights pet, I would have thought you were." Spike looks up smugly at you.  
  
I lose my temper. "Listen Spikey boy for once in you life. She. Is. Not. Yours." With that I punch him hard, breaking his nose in two.  
  
"Now get out."  
  
"You think I'm just going to leave when you punch me? Prick." Spike mutters.  
  
"He's not a prick." You come running at him and land hard on his chest, your feet colliding with his rib cage. "What if I was to say get out?" You are still glaring.  
  
"That wouldn't stop me love." Spike gets up slowly and staggers forward. Suddenly he lunges forward, landing on top of you and punching you hard.  
  
******  
  
I struggle with the weight of Spike's body, as he bends over once more and punches me again. Blood drizzles down the side of my face and my ribs ache. Suddenly his weight is lifted as you pick him up and hold him against a tree.  
  
"Touch her again and ill kill you." You growl.  
  
"Angel." I toss you a broken branch.  
  
You hold it poised over Spike's heart, one false move and he'd be dust. "Leave now."  
  
"Don't think this is the last of it Slayer." Spike calls over your shoulder at me. You stab the branch forcefully through Spike's shoulder. "It is the last of it Spike. Only reason I'm letting you live is because you're not harmful to humans and I know how it must kill you inside everyday because you can't hunt." Your eyes glint with hatred as you morph into your human face.  
  
You let go of Spike and turn your back, Spike disappears into the night.  
  
Just as you reach me you suddenly fall to your knees and let out a scream. I rush to your side.  
  
"What is it Angel." Shit. What's going on?  
  
"Willow." You mumble curled up in a ball, pain glints in your now chocolate eyes.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	15. chap 15

Authors note: Sorry to the Spike fans!! But have no fear! He shall return..hehehe. But this time instead of returning for Buffy he returns with much graver news..Neway that's in the chap's to come!! For now have this instead.  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 15  
  
Pain coursed through my body like fire until I heard the unmistakable sound of Angelus, his laugh ringing loudly in my ears. I clasped my hands over my ears trying to stop the sounds, but it was no use.  
  
Angelus was back.  
  
I stood with the new feeling of power racing through my body and then I saw you. Cute and innocent little Buffy.  
  
"Angel?" You ask so calmly.  
  
"Buffy." I answer.  
  
I don't move. I watch you as you pace the clearing trying to work out what is wrong with me; you can feel something isn't right.  
  
Then you step too close. I can feel your blood pumping through your veins and arteries; your neck is so close to me. With a roar I leap towards you grabbing your shoulders with my hands and bringing your neck towards my now present fangs.  
  
But you resist.  
  
The power of the slayer fights back. I struggle with you in my arms till -  
  
"ARGH!!!!" More pain shoots through me and I'm back on my knees once more.  
  
I can see light everywhere, emanating from every dark corner of my surroundings. Then I hear her calm voice.  
  
"It's OK Angel, everything is going to be ok."  
  
"Pain" I babble aimlessly.  
  
"I no, It will be over soon."  
  
"Hurts so much."  
  
"Shh"  
  
Her voice calms me and I relax, allowing the light mixed with pain to flow through me more easily. Every bone in my body feels as if it is broken.  
  
Suddenly the pain stops.  
  
I no longer see light but just you. Stood in a fight position your hands held up in front of you protectively, your face holds an expression of confusion. I stand slowly and step towards you and place my hands on yours and slowly lower them to your sides. "It's OK." I smile; my eyes show you my soul.  
  
******  
  
I watch you stand and I panic. Is it Angel? Is it Angelus? I tense my body while my head thinks through the options: To Flee or to Fight?  
  
Then your hands touch mine with such ease that I know its you, I know it's my Angel.  
  
"What happened?" I ask leaning into your safety  
  
"I don't know, I think it was Willow but I'm not sure."  
  
I fall silent. Time to consult the witch.  
  
******  
  
We enter the house quietly and all the scoobs are gathered around in various chairs in the living room. Except Giles that is, he was pacing the floor his glasses held in his hand and obviously he was in deep thought.  
  
The sound of us entering broke his trail of thought.  
  
"Angel." He called to me and I looked up. "You staying long?"  
  
"Hopefully." My hand suddenly finds itself at the base of your back, pulling your body towards me.  
  
"Feel any different?" Willow suddenly leaps up next to me.  
  
"Uh, kinda" I shrug  
  
"Sorry about the Angelus thing, I was trying to bind your soul and then he just slipped out. Luckily I caught him pretty quick." She looks over at you and sees the light graze of fang marks on your neck. "But it should be done now. Your soul should be safe."  
  
"Should be?" I hear your voice next to me.  
  
"Well I haven't exactly had much practice with Angel's predicament, s-so I'm not one hundred percent sure it worked." The red head looks so innocent when she babbles.  
  
I tug at the back of your shirt as a hint that we should leave now. I need to sort a few things out. Did this soul binding thing work?  
  
"Uh, we're gonna go now." The two of us start backing towards the door as you hastily start making excuses. "Training, more patrol, work of a slayer is never done." You let out a cute nervous giggle.  
  
******  
  
The door closes behind us and you've pressed my body up against it. "You no what this means Buff?" Your voice sounds deep and sexy.  
  
"Play Time.." I answer, pulling you in for a heart-stopping kiss.  
  
Your body is heavy against mine, but I like it, your cool skin against mine is invigorating. Your hands are pressed against the solid door but soon I can feel them, wrapped around my body, encircling me with protectiveness.  
  
Things start to heat up as your tongue slips into my mouth, massaging my own lovingly. "Angel." I mumble, your hands start to travel up and down my body, slipping under my top. "Not.Here..." I get out, realising how people inside my house must be able to hear us.  
  
"OK." You break the kiss and take my hand.  
  
******  
  
So glad I didn't sell the mansion. I lead you there, my pace quickening as we draw closer. I need you in my arms Buffy, I want you now.  
  
We reach the mansion and the door barely shuts behind us as you leap up onto me, wrapping your legs around my waist as we kiss and I stagger towards my bedroom.  
  
I lay you down on the black silk sheets and smile.  
  
"What?" You ask staring back at me.  
  
"God, your so beautiful." I kiss you again.  
  
I take my time, relishing the curves of your body as I slowly start to undress you, paying particular attention to your breasts, cupping and kissing them when needed.  
  
You call my name and bring up to face you. You kiss me again and slip your hands under my shirt to feel my cool skin. Your hands are like fire.  
  
****** Your skin feels so good. I rip off your shirt now feeling the eagerness of finally getting to love you the way I have wanted to for years. You let out a laugh, a laugh that is rarely heard and it touches me. More than you could ever imagine.  
  
I pause to look at you, seeing the happiness flowing through your body amazes me, it's a look I've never seen. Too used to the broody Angel.  
  
Precious moments pass and the two of us are naked, your body above mine. You enter me slowly trying to make this moment last but our passion takes over as you start to move. My legs come up and wrap themselves around your hips, guiding you in further till I'm screaming for more. You quicken the pace till both of our hips are grinding into one another.  
  
Then the moment comes and we are both sent to the heavens, our bodies panting for air, my own glistening with sweat.  
  
******  
  
And there you lay beneath me, my precious girl, my little angel. I can see sleep easing into your body as you look back at me blurry eyed. I reach down and remove a piece of hair from your face and kiss you once again.  
  
"Sleep." I whisper into you ear before rolling off you and pulling you into my embrace. This is heaven. This is my heaven. *~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	16. Chap 16

Authors note: Right things are going to appear strange now. I have completely got rid of the end of season 6 and we have now moved on to Season 4 of Angel - When the sun is blotted out.  
  
Here goes..  
  
Chap 16  
  
Something wasn't right. I lay still for fear of waking you yet let my vampiric abilities kick in, listening to my surroundings. A faint footstep? I faint whiff of whisky? I tried to crane my neck to see what was behind me, damn me for sleeping on my stomach.  
  
"Looky, looky, looky.. Tut tut tut." An English drawl sounded in the room.  
  
I was up in a flash. I bolted upright and felt you stir besides me; I knew now that you were awake. Spike sat at the base of my bed, his muscular frame arched over so he leant on his knees with his elbows supporting him.  
  
"Hey!" He put up his hands in front of him submissively. "I'm here on business."  
  
I growl in return.  
  
"Seeing as you threw me out of Sunnydale, I thought I'd wondering on up to sunny LA, see if I could do some good in those parts."  
  
"Do good? Since when do you do good?" I scoffed.  
  
"Since I now have a reputation for killing demons." His cold eyes returned the remark. "Well it turns out LA isn't so sunny after all.." Spike smiled at me, pleased with himself.  
  
I sit at the edge of the bed and reach for my jeans, slipping them over my naked body. "Angel?" I hear your sleepy voice beside me.  
  
"Shh, go back to sleep." I whisper, reaching over and kissing you lightly on the forehead.  
  
"Aw ain't that sweet." Jealousy and anger dominated Spike's eyes.  
  
"Outside now." I stand up, pulling a t-shirt over my head before leaving the room with Spike in tow.  
  
We reached the living room and I stopped. "Spit it out Spike."  
  
"Well after I left here, I got to LA just before the sun rose. So there I was minding my own business in the lobby of your 'hotel' when Cordelia burst in through the front door declaring that the sun hadn't come out to play and it was doing her suntan no good."  
  
"So it's permanently dark in LA?" I ask, worry crosses my mind as I think of my friends.  
  
"Got it in one sunshine. Also you should know that there's this huge rock like beast kicking up a fuss"  
  
******  
  
I woke to find you not next to me. Instantly panic gripped my senses as I thought of the last time we had  
  
I rolled over onto my back and tried to calm myself down. Maybe you had just gone to the kitchen or something. The more I tried to convince myself you were fine, the more worry began to set in.  
  
I made a decision to look for you. I rose out of your bed and picked up one of your shirts. I opened the door and yawned, scrunching up my eyes. My body was suddenly met by a larger one before me.  
  
"Woah." Large hands grabbed hold of my arms, preventing me from falling back. It was you.  
  
I smiled up at you and you smiled back although I saw worry in your face.  
  
"I have to go away." WHAT???  
  
I tried to talk but my mouth seemed to dry out. Damn I looked like a goldfish.  
  
"LA. There's no longer any sun there and some big beastie is terrorising my friends. I need to sort it out. I won't be long." You kiss me lightly.  
  
Suddenly I can form words. "What?" Albeit not many words.  
  
"They need me Buff, I won't be long."  
  
"You'll come back?" Suddenly my new fear is released into the open.  
  
Your dark eyes meet with mine and I see the love, my fear is almost dismissed as I stare at you for that moment.  
  
"Of course I'm coming back." You kiss me again.  
  
I hug you tight and you feel my resistance for letting you go. "Buff.Trust me." Your voice soothes me.  
  
"Always." I reply  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	17. Chap 17

Authors note: Sorry its been a while just I'm in the middle of exams and there's been a serious lack of inspiration. this chap is just Buffy's POV and I think you Spike fans might be a little happier with this chap. Don't worry B/A supporters I wudnt touch their relationship!! Neway this is my own formation of bits from S7 of Buff and S4 of Angel.  
  
Here goes..  
  
Chap 17  
  
'I won't be long'  
  
Whatever.  
  
'I'm coming back'  
  
Again, whatever.  
  
Months had passed since Angel had left my side and already the thought of his name made me feel sick. Yeah, I still talk to him from time to time on the telephone but that's usually interrupted by "Oh gotta go, Fred's got herself in a tangle with another vampire."  
  
Grr.  
  
And the latest phone call really took the biscuit.  
  
"Oh my god Buffy you should see her, she's completely amazing. She is so beautiful, her eyes shine like diamonds. Buffy she makes me complete. Jasmine. Jasmine, Jasmine, Jasmine."  
  
WHAT THE FUCK?! Excuse me one moment while I hurl into this bucket.  
  
Complete? Makes him complete? I thought I did that?! Clearly not, from this fucking phone call that I received. By the way that was two weeks ago.  
  
There's a knock at my door. I open it slowly and smile at the person stood behind it. "Hey there."  
  
He scratches his head and looks down at his feet sheepishly. He has changed. Changed in more ways than I could ever imagine a vamp - Man could.  
  
Firstly though an update.  
  
Spike. He left that dreaded night with Angel at his side, I knew they would fight and one of them would come crawling back to Sunnydale but it shocked me when I saw that it was Spike. Not only had he returned to Sunnydale but also he had been to Africa and gained what he reckons is a soul.  
  
Wow. Now that shocked the hell out of me.  
  
I remember the night. It was pouring with rain and I hurried to make my way back to the house out of the storm. I hit him full on in the chest and fell back in the dirt. His body towered over mine as the rain made little paths down his face, lightening forked in the dark sky behind him.  
  
He looked at me blankly but suddenly light burned in his eyes and he stepped back, his hand held over his mouth as he muttered aimlessly to himself.  
  
"Spike?" I got up off the muddy floor and tried to comprehend what was happening to him.  
  
"No, no, no, no, no, no" He continued to mutter.  
  
"Are you ok?" Well duh, now that was a stupid question.  
  
"I hurt you." I just about managed to decipher what he was saying amongst the insane context of his mumbled sentences.  
  
"What?" I reach out to him to stop him walking backwards but he flinches when my hand makes contact with his.  
  
His eyes turn softer and the glazed look fade for a second as he reaches out to touch my face. His hand is just moments away from touching my skin and I can hear him muttering "beautiful" over and over again. Then his eyes glaze over and he curls his hand into a ball before it even makes contact.  
  
I look at him confused.  
  
The rain continues to pour yet I stand patiently, nothing tells me to turn away in disgust or even in fear of Spike. Something inside tells me to stay and hear out what he has to say.  
  
That is if he decides to form a coherent sentence.  
  
"Angel-he should've warned me."  
  
"What?" Angel, what was up with Angel, is he ok?  
  
"He makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here, in me, all the time."  
  
"Spike, what is in you?" Now if I was in the mood to be funny, I would have had a good sexual innuendo going on with that sentence.  
  
"The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve, and I got it. They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn." He finishes his sentence and I can sense his fear. His body starts to shake as he bursts into uncontrollable sobs.  
  
By now my head was buzzing. "You have a soul? How?"  
  
The glaze disappears once more and he steps closer to me. "You wanted it right? You wanted me to have this spark burning brightly inside me like Angels?"  
  
"No spike - "  
  
"Well that's what I did, I went in search of something you deserved and look what I landed with. A bloody soul. Now that's an achievement." He looks at me once more before the babble starts again.  
  
"So much hurt, blood pouring out of everything, the stars shine brightly but Ah ha! Not as brightly as me!" He looks down at his chest and smiles stupidly.  
  
So that's the update on Spike. As for me, well what can I say? It's been a bitch of a month.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	18. Chap 18

Authors note: WARNING spoilers are included in this chap for the ending of both Buffy and Angel. Do not read if you don't want to know what happens!! By the way, this is my own way of season 4 angel, yes its incredibly similar but tough!!  
  
Here goes..  
  
Chap 18  
  
THE PAST  
  
I looked over the banister and down onto my crowded foyer. Here and there I could spot Gunn and Wesley making light conversation amongst the bustling crowd and Lorne was even discussing the latest musical hits with a young gentleman.  
  
My Son.  
  
He was stood at her side proud. And so he should be. She is magnificent, full of beauty and courage. I smile to myself as I watch them approach.  
  
"Angel" Her voice is so magical.  
  
"Jasmine." I reply  
  
She smiles that beautiful smile and I feel everything start to crumble inside. "What are you so worried about?" She asks quizzically.  
  
"I'm afraid I'm gonna."  
  
"Change?" Conner finished the sentence.  
  
"Yeah." I look down at my feet.  
  
"Do not fear Angel for if Angelus is brought fourth not even he could spread much evil across this land. Relax, enjoy."  
  
I turn away to look down at the crowds once more. Suddenly everything fell quiet as I spotted Fred, stood in the centre of the room her face stricken with fear.  
  
I make my way to her.  
  
"Fred?" I question but she doesn't seem to be able to hear me. I follow her gaze and see that she is staring at Jasmine. "What is it?" She looks at me and whispers a sorry.  
  
I look back puzzled. "Angel, I have to do this." She lifts a knife and slashes fast across my chest drawing blood instantly. I can feel the warm liquid drizzling across my skin. Anger brews inside me but I have no chance to react as Fred lifts a blood-covered hand and places it across my chest.  
  
I swing out and knock her to the ground. Wesley has seen the commotion and is soon at my side.  
  
"What is it Angel?" Then he noticed Fred's body, stretched out on the floor at my feet.  
  
"I don't know, she stabbed me."  
  
"Angel?" I looked up and to my horror at Conner's side stood a 7ft tall demon, its body hidden by a scarlet cloak so only the face could be seen. And what a face it was. Green, mouldy skin hung, peeling away from the already maggot eating crevices, maggots hide inside the empty holes for eyes.  
  
"DEMON!" I yelled leaping towards my weapons cabinet.  
  
There I grabbed a sword, its silvery appearance shone inside the room. I ran at it but suddenly I was stopped. Conner stood in its way.  
  
"Get out of the way Conner."  
  
"Why are you trying to kill Jasmine?" He looked back baffled.  
  
"That is not Jasmine, Conner." I replied.  
  
"Damn boy, is there something wrong with your eyesight?" Gunn grabbed me from behind.  
  
"So you can't see it?"  
  
"See what Angel? There's nothing there but Jasmine." Wesley replied.  
  
"Let me go Gunn."  
  
"Drop the sword and I'll think about it." He tightened his grip.  
  
"Fine." The sword fell the ground with a loud clatter.  
  
I was released from his grip yet I felt the tension. They weren't going to let me near Jasmine and by the amount of people that had gathered around the exits I'm pretty sure they weren't going to let me leave either.  
  
I picked Fred up from the floor and went into my office. Yes I knew I was being watched and I knew that I was practically a prisoner in my own home but this thing had to be stopped.  
  
******  
  
PRESENT DAY  
  
I sat in my chair debating what I should do, Jasmine had been defeated and now I sat alone in my office. "Quit the brooding." Gunn sighed, walking in and sitting in a chair opposite me. "Its really weird seeing you like that. Kinda creeps me out."  
  
"What you haven't got used to my brooding?"  
  
"No idiot, the fact you're sitting in direct sunlight." Gunn gestures to the large window that spreads across the entire wall.  
  
I stand and walk to it, feeling the sun against my face as I stare out to the city below. It feels amazing almost as if I was human once more. If only I was human.  
  
"Amazing creation, only Wolfram and Hart would think about that one wouldn't they." Wesley smiles from the doorway.  
  
"We could so sell that idea and get money for it." Gunn adds.  
  
"What is it Wes?" I sigh, knowing he was here on business.  
  
"It's Lilah she wants to show you something." Wes replys.  
  
"O yay yet another surprise." I sigh and follow Wes out of the room.  
  
Lilah is waiting in a room near by and I enter cautiously. I still don't trust the woman. She says nothing and just points a remote control at a wooden panelled wall. I wait patiently, there are so many hidden secrets that I have to learn about this place.  
  
Behind the wall there are TV screens, dozens of them, covering the entire wall. This wasn't that much of a surprise - hell I'd seen a TV before. It was what was on them that shocked me.  
  
Buffy. Her muscles tensed as she fought onwards, her face was cut and bleeding and clearly she wasn't doing to well in this particular fight. I watched as she continued to fight this man, priest thing and horror struck me as he continued to beat her down.  
  
Lilah saw my shock. "Angel, it's the first." She looks at me slightly bemused.  
  
"The first evil." I remember that day well when the first tried to get me to kill myself. But why hadn't she told me? Why hadn't she called me to tell me she was struggling?  
  
Lilah reaches out and places a large envelope in my hand. "Inside you will find all the details you need to know about what has happened after you left her, also inside there is an amulet that should help her win this war."  
  
"Thanks." I whisper running out of the room. I stand in my office for what seems like hours as the sun starts to set, casting an eerie orange glow over the city of angels.  
  
I then take this opportunity to leave and make my way back to Sunnydale.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	19. Chap 19

Authors note: Again this is spoilery just a warning for those out there yet to see the end of Buff and Angel. Its my own way of the ending parts to Buffy as well, sorry for messing with it but how else was I supposed to write a fic without taking ideas?!?!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 19  
  
I opened the door wider and let him enter, his sheepish look just made me giggle inside. To think the once bad ass Spike was looking sheepish. He cast a glance at me but as soon as our eyes made contact he looked down again, his deep blue eyes shone.  
  
"How are you?" He asked, I could hear the concern in his voice.  
  
"Not too good." I smiled.  
  
"I was wondering if you were going to come down today?" He asked gently.  
  
I just smiled in return, wincing in pain due to my swollen face. I looked back up to him with my good eye, the other was only open a fraction; the skin was puffy and black surrounding it.  
  
"Come on." He held out his hand to me and I took it gladly, I needed the support to be able to walk the distance.  
  
Pain surged through my left side but I chose to ignore it as I made my way slowly down the stair, one step at a time to find everyone gathered in the living room, obvious that they had heard Spike come up to talk to me.  
  
I smiled weakly around the room, taking in some of the new arrivals, all of them looked worried and scared. More than anything in the world I wanted to shout out to them that it would be all right, they are safe now. It's too hard to shout when you don't believe it yourself though.  
  
Giles quickly leapt out of his seat and made room for me to sit down. I rolled my eyes; I was so fed up of everyone pussyfooting around me. I look at Xander and he looks guiltily back at me. I smile at him and the guilt starts to fade but still he trys to avert my gaze.  
  
Then there are the potentials.  
  
All of them trying to get a good look at me and from the corner of the rooms I can hear them whispering doubting words about their future. I sigh cause I know that half the people in this room will die and there's nothing I can do about it. Life's a fucking bitch.  
  
Unknowingly, I'm still holding onto Spike's hand, gripping it harder as the silent minutes pass for fear of what is about to happen, who is the first to sting me with their words of woe. He squeezes my hand and I look down in shock to our still interlocked hands and release him.  
  
I hear his sigh above all else in the room and I see the pain I caused in his eyes and it stings me more than I could have imagined. To think that by hurting Spike, I feel guilt and pain. I close my eyes and force myself to shake away the pain.  
  
"So Buffy, what's the plan?" Damn that loud mouth girl who keeps taking over. What's her name again? Think it begins with a K. Like a presidents name - Kennedy? Yeah that's it, Kennedy.  
  
"The plan is I heal some more and then I try to take down Caleb again." I answer, swallowing the nausea that threatens to rise.  
  
"Buffy, you can't just simply expect to be able to waltz in and proceed to fight. Look what happened last time." Giles gestures with his hand.  
  
"Yeah but I got away and plus I got my cool fighting axe now."  
  
"We don't know enough about the axe to let you just - fight." Xander chips in.  
  
"It's a bloody axe, I think it could be for slicing and dicing." Spike rolls his eyes sarcastically.  
  
******  
  
4 DAYS LATER  
  
I woke in his arms and I was at peace. The first time I had felt this way since - well it felt like forever. The basement was dark and cold but I was happy to just lie there in his arms. I knew he was asleep as he had stopped his "breathing" and was very still behind me. I smiled as I though about the many times angel had held me this way but he had never fallen asleep until he was sure that I was.  
  
Angel.  
  
A pang of guilt appeared in the pit of my stomach. What about Angel? Fuck Angel! He seemed to have moved on and so should I. That thought just made me cuddle into Spike's chest just that much more. He rolls and his arm moves from across my stomach and I stand to go and look at the perfect round moon out of the small window.  
  
Oz. I wonder what he is up to now. Either he's having a hell of a time as a werewolf or he's finally mastered to keep the beast at bay.  
  
So I watch the night's sky with fascination and wonder, as I think about the billons of people out there, quietly nestled in their beds, dreaming sweet dreams. Those are the people that I have to fight for. Those are the guys who will help me win this war. Now is the time.  
  
I walk defiantly from the house with the axe in my hand. Willow had managed to gather enough information for me to know where to go to get the help I need.  
  
******  
  
So this funky axe would help me win this war. Can't see a better moment than to try use it now. The woman dropped to the floor and I looked back up to see Caleb, dressed in his usual attire.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't catch that last part on account of her neck snapping and all. Did she say the end is near... or here?"  
  
And so started the fight.  
  
I ducked, he ducked, I swung, he swung till finally the both of us were bloodied and bruised with only our pride and courage still intact. He lifts me and throws my tired body against the stone pillar and now is when I want to give in. My body is struggling to keep up with the demanding anger of the slayer yet I force myself on.  
  
I lay face down on the floor and struggle to look above me, knowing I was no longer in possession of the axe.  
  
"I was kind of hoping it'd go this way."  
  
I can smell him. My angel, he's close, I can feel him deep inside, and no one can mess with those types of bonds. He can feel me too I know he can.  
  
"Hey!" A punch came from out of nowhere and there he stood, his large dark frame illuminated by the light atmosphere that surrounded us both. I stand and smile.  
  
"Angel." Then suddenly I remember what I was mad at him about.  
  
"You look good." He answers and takes a step towards me.  
  
I take a step back. "You look timely, but also good." This time there is no smile. "How's Jasmine." God I sound like a 12 year old.  
  
He looks at me and his eyes darken. "What?"  
  
Caleb gets to his feet and I cast Angel a don't-touch-him-or-I'll-kick-your- ass type of look. So he just backs off and leaves me to finish off the priest.  
  
I pick up my axe with new anger blazing on my skin as I imagine a woman by the name of jasmine in the place of Caleb. I don't miss a punch and by the time I'm finished punching, Caleb is almost unrecognisable.  
  
"Stupid girl. You'll never stop me. You don't have the ba-"  
  
I twirl the axe between my fingers and slice upwards between Caleb's legs, slicing him in half.  
  
"Who does nowadays?"  
  
I turn away from the bloody mess and look back at Angel and twirl the blood stained axe once more.  
  
"Now, for you.."  
  
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	20. Chap 20

Chap 20  
  
You twirl the axe once more and I look at you apprehensively. I can feel the tension flowing between us but I can't work out why. Then I remembered you mentioning Jasmine. Shit, I forgot I phoned you, damn me for not returning your calls more often. No wonder you were pissed.  
  
I try to look happy to see you but the look on your face deters me from succeeding. Your cold steel like gaze penetrates my own and once again I can feel your pain.  
  
I step forward swiftly and scoop you into my arms in a warm embrace, trying to will away the tension. I bend down and kiss you lightly but suddenly feel your hands upon my chest pushing me away from you.  
  
"Are you going to tell me about this bitch or am I going to have to beat it out of you." Wow, seriously violent Buffy all of a sudden. You step away from me and stand defiantly with your axe held threateningly towards me.  
  
"Jasmine, she was a demon - "  
  
"Surprise sur fucking prise." Is the only answer I receive.  
  
"No Buffy listen. She cast this spell on most of LA that meant we fell in love with her." As the words left my lips I realised how stupid it sounded.  
  
You just stare at me with those hazel eyes, doubt is all I can see.  
  
"Fred managed to find out a way to break the spell, so we killed her once I saw her for the demon she really was." I cast her a pleading look. Then I smell it. I was so busy trying to defend myself I hadn't noticed it till now.  
  
Your doubting eyes turn to confusion as you watch my mood change, no longer are my eyes pleading but are full of hatred and anger.  
  
Spike.  
  
His strong smell fills the room and most of it is centred around you.  
  
"You have got to be kidding me." I feel the sarcastic smile appear on my face.  
  
"What?" It's your turn to jump on the defensive bandwagon.  
  
"Is Spike your boyfriend?"  
  
You turn away and start to leave the crypt like room. Once out in the fresh air I hear you take a deep breath and start to walk away from me.  
  
"Is Spike your boyfriend?" I ask once more.  
  
You stop walking and stand with your back to me. "Why do you want to know angel? What if he is? What if I had fallen in love with him? So what if he was my boyfriend, you don't care anymore what happens to me."  
  
That hurt like hell.  
  
"So he is your boyfriend?"  
  
"He's changed Angel, he has a soul now."  
  
WHAT?? Talk about stealing my thunder. "You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was all the cool new thing." I couldn't stop myself, it just blurted out.  
  
"Oh, my God. Are you 12?" Felt like it at that particular moment.  
  
"No." I mumble quietly.  
  
"So what does big dark and broody want then." You sigh leaning against one of the large tombstones.  
  
"I brought you this." I hand her the envelope and force myself into business mode, there was plenty of time to talk about Spike later.  
  
You snatch it out of my hand and I feel that pain once more.  
  
"Apparently it will help you. Also I brought something else too." I bring out the amulet and you stare at it aimlessly.  
  
"What a time for gifts Angel, thought you'd butter me up after all your false promises did you?" Your anger cuts through my flesh.  
  
"False promises?"  
  
"I won't be long and don't worry I'm coming back." You put on your best imitation of me. "It's all a load of bullshit! Angel it's been months since I last seen you, last touched you, last kissed you."  
  
I see the tears and I want to wipe them away but you won't let me that close, that invisible barrier between us doubles in thickness, restraining me from helping you. "I'm sorry Buff." I hang my head in shame.  
  
"And now you think sorry is going to solve this Angel?"  
  
"No." Thank god I didn't say yes or I was sure you'd take off my head with that axe.  
  
"Well thanks for the help, now piss off back to LA." And you were gone, running from me into the darkness and all I could do was watch you flee. Once more it was me that caused you this pain and it had to be me to undo it.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	21. Chap 21

Authors note: Hey everybody!! Thanks for your reviews and for all the support you've been giving over the past few weeks! Not only do I intend to carry on this fic, but I'm thinking about doing another one. I want to do it from Buffy's POV and make it funny as well as B/A moments. My only problem is, is should I make it AU, Continue from the Buffy world (If so what seasons?) or should I start over again with a meeting of Buff and Ang as Vamp and Slayer?!?! I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks again, your ideas will be appreciated.  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 21  
  
This time there were no tears when I ran from you. This time there was just anger, pure, unblemished anger. I couldn't believe that you had done this to me; I couldn't believe that you had lied to me.  
  
I had reached the house and I walked in without another thought to you. Why should I? After you had treated me the way you had, you didn't deserve another thought.  
  
I smiled as I entered; there stood Spike, his leather duster curled around his ankles as he smiled back at me. "Hey." He looked up and saw the blood on the end of the axe.  
  
"Have fun?" For some reason he seemed slightly sarcastic.  
  
"How would you define fun?" I ask casually.  
  
This time he rolls his eyes and walks away, down to the basement. I shrugged my shoulders and proceeded to the living room. "Hi." I smiled at Giles; again he was pacing the room, worried about where I had been no doubt.  
  
"Buffy!" Xander leapt out of nowhere.  
  
I threw the axe down on the table and smiled to myself, I had actually killed Caleb. "Y-You did it!" Willow beamed at me and brought me in for a comforting hug.  
  
"Brought you a present." I handed an envelope to Giles and watched as his curiosity consumed him. "It's from Angel." I said your name through gritted teeth and then I remembered the Amulet. Damn me for my sarcastic streak, I should have taken it from him, because now it was inevitable that he would stick around to give it to me.  
  
Damn. Damn. Damn!  
  
I left the room as the others continued to peer into the envelope, pouring out the contents onto the table to inspect and I made my way to see Spike. As I descended the stair to the basement I could hear him working out. With one look at his face I knew he was pissed and beating the crap out of the punch bag.  
  
"Thank god, it doesn't have feelings or sound for that matter." I said from the last step.  
  
"I saw you."  
  
"You can see me?" I look down and pat my stomach. "Amazing Spike." I say with mock seriousness.  
  
"With him." He gave one last punch to the bag and it flew from the hook on the ceiling and crashed against the back wall.  
  
"Ohh." I sighed.  
  
The room fell silent.  
  
A moment passed and I prayed that he would break the silence for it felt like if I spoke, my words would be consumed by the thick silence and never reach his ears.  
  
"Just popped by for a quickie then? Or has he decided to stay for good like last time." His voice bit through the air.  
  
"Oh great, more jealous vampire crap just to make my day that much more great. One day I'm going to put you two in a room and let you wrestle it out."  
  
Spike looks at me with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Please, I'm begging you." He lets out a low laugh to himself.  
  
I smile at this side of him "Could oil be involved?" I look down coyly.  
  
His eyes widen as he realises what I mean and I can see he's stumbling for words. I believe a change of subject is needed.  
  
"We argued" I continue, not really wanting to discuss Angel anymore.  
  
"Was that before or after the quickie?"  
  
"Spike, there was no quickie, if you stuck around long enough you would have seen me push him away."  
  
Something lights up in his eyes, maybe its hope, I can't quite tell, and especially now he's looking down at his feet.  
  
"So what did Angel breath want?"  
  
"He brought information on The First. Can we not talk now, I'm kind of sleepy."  
  
Spike nods and smiles "I won't keep you any longer pet, I'll come visit you in a little while so we can discuss what you want to do with me."  
  
My eyes widen.  
  
"W-What you want me to do." Spike corrects himself.  
  
"Can't I stay with you?" I take a few steps towards him and stop.  
  
He doesn't answer but walks towards me, hugging me close to him. "Now do you think that would be wise?"  
  
"Just to sleep Spike, just to sleep." I mumble into his chest.  
  
"OK."  
  
******(Buff still)  
  
I knew you had entered the house, before you started making your way down the flight of stairs into the basement. I sighed but lay still on my side with Spike lying behind me, his arms wrapped comfortingly around my waist. He was asleep and I knew it, for if he had heard you, I know he would have stood and walked away from me.  
  
I see your feet first as you walk down the stair slowly, then your legs till finally you are stood on the basement floor and I can hear you growling from here. I remain still but stare up at you from my position.  
  
"You forgot this." You bring the amulet out of your pocket  
  
"I know, you going to give it to me now?" I sigh.  
  
"No, only the right person can wield it."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Someone ensouled, but stronger than human. A champion. As in me."  
  
"Or me."  
  
"No Buffy, its too dangerous."  
  
"Get over yourself Angel, I am the slayer, I am the definition of dangerous. Give me the amulet, I cannot allow you to fight my battles."  
  
"I'm drowning in footwear!" Spike suddenly stirs beside me and he sits up with a start. "Oh great." He lets his head hit the pillow and removes his arm from around my waist.  
  
You ignore him. "Fine, but I am staying here, to fight shoulder to shoulder with you."  
  
"Whatever Angel, just get out of my face." I stand and brush past him, taking the amulet and making my way up the stair and into the house.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	22. Chap 22

Chap 22  
  
Jealousy. One of the seven sins. Ironic don't ya think? For that is what runs through me now. Not anger or hatred but pure envy. I here you shut the door and without another glance at Spike I turn and make my way up the stairs.  
  
That is when I hear it.  
  
The familiar click of a key in a lock. I throw my body against the door but alas to no avail.  
  
"Angel, if you are going to fight on my side you need to learn to get on with Spike." I hear your voice through the solid door.  
  
"Bloody hell!" Spike had heard you to.  
  
I growl into the door in anger.  
  
"No use growling at me Angel." Your voice trails off as I hear your footsteps fade down the corridor.  
  
I descend the stairs for the second time today and stare at my childe with yet more envy. "So peaches, what we going to do to past the time today then?" I'll wipe that sarcastic smile off your face in a minute if you don't shut up.  
  
"I don't know. How about you tell me about you and Buffy." I see a small glint of fear in his eyes.  
  
"What is there to tell you Angel?" He's going to try keeping this one a secret.  
  
I said TRY.  
  
"Tell me Spike." My hand curls into a fist.  
  
He looks at me with those clear blue eyes and I can see he's going to tell me the truth. "Nothing has bloody happened Angel." He sighs and leans his back against the wall.  
  
"Doesn't look like that to me."  
  
"That is all it is peaches, just hugs, I was here when you weren't."  
  
He keeps the eye contact and I know he isn't lying to me. As he looks at me he feels different, I can feel the soul in his body and the blackness that used to be so pure is now so small I can hardly sense it.  
  
Buffy was right, he has changed.  
  
I start to look at him in a new light. Don't get me wrong I still hate every part of him but I admire him for finally growing up and sorting his life out. I remember the days when he was at my side constantly, those were good days despite the being bad aspect. Yeah I bossed him around and often kicked his ass but he was there at my side, loyal to his sire.  
  
I walk forward and sit at the opposite end of his bed. "So tell me, which gypsy girl did you kill to get your soul?"  
  
******(Buff.)  
  
Time passed and I grew uneasy. For hours I had paced around the house straining my ears to hear what was going on beneath me. When there were no shouts or yelps I felt scared. Why was there no fighting? Had you killed Spike and were waiting for me to open the door to be greeted by a big pile of dust?  
  
"Go down there will you? You're making me dizzy" Xander passed me in the kitchen.  
  
I approached the door apprehensively and placed the key in the lock and turned it slowly and peered out from behind the door.  
  
What was that noise? I ran down the stairs and what I saw shocked the crap out of me.  
  
Spike was sat leaning against the wall with Angel sat next to him, sharing a cigarette both of them killing themselves laughing.  
  
Who? What? Where? When? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!! Have I been moved to a parallel universe were all the Angel's and Spike's get along and laugh together?  
  
Suddenly they both notice me. "Hi Love." They both say in unison.  
  
"Are you drunk or well at least stoned?" I ask, searching for answers.  
  
"No." Again in unison.  
  
"Willow!" I yell at the top of my voice, causing a stampede of feet down the stair. Not only willow but also Giles and Xander have accompanied her. Spike looks at Xander amused.  
  
"What?" Both of the vampires shrug as they look on at the shocked crowd in front of them.  
  
"How? What? How?" I ask, walking forward and sitting crossed legs in front of Angel.  
  
"Well, like you said we wrestled it out." You reply. Since when had I told you about wrestling it out?  
  
Spike nudges you. "She forgot the oil though." The two of you again burst into a fit of hysterics.  
  
"You have gone insane." I sigh standing and leaving the room, the others close at my heels.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	23. Chap 23

Authors note: Yeah this chap is a little bit boring but tough! I've gotta get through this chap before I can make it interesting again!! Sorry for the boredom this may cause, but I couldn't find any other way to do it!  
  
Here goes..  
  
Chap 23  
  
The look on your face was the funniest since - well a long time. You called us insane. True, true I did feel insane at this moment for suddenly I was laughing and joking with Spike but not for my benefit but for your own. You really think I'm enjoying this moment, where he jokes about oil?  
  
The others leave the room and it's just Spike and me once more. Yes I will continue this façade for as long as I can stand it but believe me as soon as this war is over, I will return to the good old hating Spike days.  
  
"Come on." I stand and lead my childe up into the house.  
  
I can see you, surrounded by the potentials and your friends. Everyone looks tired and beaten but still I can see your courage and determination emanating from your body as you try to will on your team. Even inside of me I feel your power of determination as you speak to us all, telling us how we are going to win this war.  
  
That is when you mention Willow and her key role in this event. I look at you with sorrow in my eyes for I fear that it will not work. Who had heard of making everyone a slayer??  
  
I sigh for the stubbornness you show back to me through your eyes. You KNOW it's going to work and I'll respect you for that at least.  
  
****** (Angel still)  
  
So started the day. Spike and I left early just before the sun began to rise and made our way to the school where we would meet everyone else at daybreak. As we walked, there was no longer any talking or arguments for that matter. The both of us concentrating on the task ahead. Defeating the First.  
  
And so the other's arrived, all of them looked full of determination. And without a word to you I know I have to follow you, I know you'll lead me to my doom. I do not care, if I go down, I will go down fighting to protect you no matter what.  
  
As you pass me your hand reaches out and grabs mine, squeezing it reassuringly. I thought you hated me? There is no need for words as I realise you have forgiven me. This is no time to hold grudges against one another.  
  
The crowd disperses as we walk along the hallway, each person knowing they have somewhere to be, something to do. The basement looms ahead and I hear Spike beside me take an unneeded deep breath. He feels the failure too.  
  
And the seal opens and I grit my teeth as I imagine what is about to pour out of this hell hole into the world, all my un-life I have been fighting these demons and now its crunch time.  
  
****** (Buffy)  
  
The seal opens and all I want to do is curl up in your arms. It has been so long since I found that type of comfort; the only other option was Spike.  
  
So now I lead you on into the unknown and although I know you will stand by my side, guilt for shouting at you arises in the pit of my stomach. These could be out last moments together.  
  
Peering over the edge and seeing the hoards of demons beneath us scares me in a way like I have never known before. I grip the axe handle tighter and feel my heart beat quicken as the demons turn and look at us. I take the amulet out of my pocket and toss it to Spike.  
  
My god you look like your going to kill me.  
  
"Angel, he is a champion, he deserves the right." I settle it with stubborn eyes.  
  
You go to say something but find my finger firmly pressed to your lips. "Don't even think about it."  
  
Then the demons are upon us and I watch in awe as you take them down with your silvery sword until finally I click that I should be fighting in this battle too. It seems like hours pass and still the demons are out weighing us, bodies of the potentials lie scattered across the floor, dust piles have formed here and there amongst the dead.  
  
"Buffy! Whatever this thing does, I think it's-." I hear it and instantly know its Spike. I cast a glance at him and see him wincing in pain, all I want to do is rush to his side but I can't.  
  
"Keep the line together! Drive them to the edge! We can't let them do-" The cold blade pieces my skin and it moves through my flesh like lightening. Blood drizzles down my skin and I fall to my knees in shock. I look up at you and think about our last moments together and tears form in my eyes. Why did you have to leave me?  
  
The first appears and suddenly I find more courage and determination in the pit of my stomach. Despite the stabbing pain that courses through my body and the thick red blood that pours out into the open, I stand with a new feeling through my veins: We are going to win.  
  
"Oh bollocks" Spike yet again.  
  
He calls my name and I answer, pain is contorted across his face and the once silent amulet now emits a bright orange glow. Shit it's going to kill him.  
  
"Spike, you've done enough. You could still - " But he stops me and I know he will sacrifice his life no matter what.  
  
My fingers find his and I intertwine them and watch as our hands burst into flames. There was no burning sensation, just a faint warm tickle rushing through my skin.  
  
"I love you." I whisper it, yet one look at Spike I know he doesn't believe me.  
  
"No you don't, But thanks - "  
  
My lips meet his in a passionate kiss and I feel the tears start to pour down my face as I realise who I am losing, that Spike is dying.  
  
"Buffy." His voice is so faint, just a whisper in the room.  
  
I open my eyes and dust falls around me. Wracked by grief I let my body drop to the floor as the tears continue their journey down my face. Large hands lift me from the ground and soon I find myself outside in the now darkened town of Sunnydale.  
  
A deep rumbling is heard behind me, but I no longer care. Safety washes over my body and I know I am safe in your arms. Never let me go Angel, never let me go.  
  
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	24. Chap 24

Chap 24  
  
Feeling your weight leaning against me is like heaven. I have wished for this for weeks, no, months. I can feel dawn ahead of us and I am glad when I pull up outside Wolfram and Hart for now I know we are both safe. I lift you effortlessly, your tired body is limp in my arms and I still can't believe that you could sleep that long.  
  
"Spike." The words utter from your mouth and I clench my teeth in response.  
  
But you do not wake.  
  
The heavy wooden doors shut behind me and the bright lights of the building cause me to squint.  
  
"Hey there angel face." The happy green demon beams at me  
  
"Lorne" I nod in return.  
  
"Hello - Buffy? Is she okay?" Wesley drops his book on the side and rushes towards me.  
  
"Just sleeping." I cast a look down and smile. Suddenly my senses kick in and I realise that she was injured.  
  
I place her down on the sofa in my office and lift up her white top a fraction to look at the injury.  
  
"Angel! That's no way to treat a young lady while she's sleeping!" Cordelia appears. "Oh, checking for injuries, I get you" She gives a nervous giggle.  
  
"Seems to be alright. She heals fast, shouldn't leave too much of a scar." I brush a piece of hair out of your face and smile. Suddenly it hits me.  
  
"CORDELIA?" I spin round and see her stood behind me.  
  
"Yes I think we've established that is my name." Back to her old self I see.  
  
"Your back." I stand amazed.  
  
"Yes, that too we have established."  
  
I walk up to her and hug her. "Good to have you back Cordy."  
  
"I no, what would you do without me!"  
  
You start to stir on the sofa and I choose this moment to usher the onlookers out of the room.  
  
"Angel?" Your eyes open slowly and I stand afar not wanting you to feel crowded by my presence.  
  
I just smile in return.  
  
"Where are we?" You attempt to sit up but wince due to the cut in you side.  
  
"Wolfram and Hart."  
  
Panic enters your eyes because you know that they are evil. I laugh out loud at your response.  
  
"It's ok baby, this is MY wolfram and hart now." Something I must admit I am not proud about but that's something I'll have to learn to live with.  
  
Suddenly your eyes cloud over with tears and slowly they start to cascade down your perfect features. That soon has me by your side, cradling you in my arms.  
  
"Spike's gone." I hear you mumble amongst the tears.  
  
Although I feel jealousy and anger bubbling up inside me I choose to hide my feelings; this is not the time to start dwelling on my own feelings, it is only you that matters now.  
  
Your hands are clutching at my shirt and I am reminded of the time at the hut, where you willingly cried into me about your death. Shh baby, I'll always be here for you.  
  
All I want to do is take away the pain, but despite my best efforts, nothing I seem to do is helping.  
  
******  
  
This burning hole inside of me is growing larger. It is like I've lost something that can never be found no matter how hard I search for it. I can hear your voice muffled and I look at you with slight comprehension. I know your Angel and I know your telling me everything will be OK in the end, but you seem so far away.  
  
Your hand reaches for mine and comfort floods through my skin. I stop the tears and stand walking towards the window and looking down to the bustling streets below as people pace back and forth in the sunshine.  
  
Their small insignificant lives so full of happiness and warmth. If only they knew the truth. If only they knew what Spike had done to save them from a fate worse than death. If only they knew.  
  
You stand beside me and instant panic grips my senses as I throw my body in front of your forcing us both to the ground.  
  
"I don't want you dust too." I say through yet more tears.  
  
"It's Ok." You lift your hand and place it in the light.  
  
"Your human" I gasp.  
  
"I wish, no the glass just prevents me from *poofing* "  
  
"Oh." I make no effort to stand and remain lain across your chest. Your arms travel slowly up my back and soon I find that my eyelids have grown heavy once more. Why I am so tired? Yes maybe I had just fought a world saving battle but still I have slept for along time. Not long enough it seems. Sleep washes over my senses and I allow it to, more than anything I want to sleep away the grief and pain that clouds my head and stabs at my heart.  
  
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	25. Chap 25

Chap 25  
  
Weeks had passed and still I felt empty. I stayed with Angel and yearned for him to be always close by, always by my side. I could not handle him leaving me for long. Sometimes I'd look at him and imagine what it was like before all this, before Spike, before my 17th birthday.  
  
It seems such a long time ago, almost as if it were another lifetime. I look up at you from the other side of your desk where you are busy flicking though an aged book about yet more prophecies of times to come. You notice my look and you look back, smiling that infectious smile which you soon see returned to you.  
  
You know I still hurt. You know I suffer everyday with the guilt of Spike's death. Everyday you tell me it was his choice yet still I would sit for hours at a time, staring out of the window and wishing I had not thrown him the amulet.  
  
"It was meant to be Buffy." How many times had I heard you say that to me?  
  
Too many times, that's for sure.  
  
******  
  
Curled up and fragile, you sit across from me as I read. Glancing at you I know you are thinking about Spike and jealousy starts to burn anew. Did you really love him that much? I know most of your suffering is guilt for his death, but if it troubles you so, then you must have cared for him in some way.  
  
I reach across the desk and take your hand in mine. I still can't believe that I have not kissed you since you arrived. Time told me to wait, leave you alone and settle back into life before I started anything. I yearned for that kiss but as you had not said or made a move, I decided it could wait. Time is always on my side.  
  
You grip my hand as if you never want to let go. This has shocked me as you have always proven that you are such an independent woman but lately you remain at my side and show pain when I am not around, or have been gone for too long. Why are you like this Buffy? Why?  
  
******  
  
His caring touch always remains on my skin once he has let go. This is what comforts me and helps me through these troubled times. There is one thing that troubles me about your behaviour.  
  
You have not kissed me.  
  
I know I shouldn't expect you to make the move and maybe people would think me dirty to be lusting over Spike and then so soon after his death expect you to be there. But you are my love Angel, you are nothing compared to Spike.  
  
I am partly to blame I know.  
  
I have been distant and often during a conversation my mind would drift away to the platinum blonde that died for the world, but still I love you Angel. No matter what happens between us I will always love you.  
  
As for constantly being at your side, I think I'm scared. Scared of losing you too. I want to be with you every minute of the day so I know you are safe, know that I have not wasted my time with you. For I wasted my time with Spike.  
  
******  
  
I can see your eyelids starting to droop and I know your about to fall into yet another dreamless sleep. I smile as I watch your breathing become shallow and slow as sleep soon overrides your body.  
  
I stand from my chair and scoop you up in my arms and instantly your fingers hold on gently to the front of my shirt and your head snuggles in closer. I walk you to your room and proceed to lie you out on the bed as I have done many times before.  
  
Once you are settled, I bend over you and plant a lingering kiss on your forehead, sweeping away a piece of hair as I do so with my hand. Your eyes suddenly flutter open and a smile appears on your face.  
  
"So this is how I end up in bed every time I fall asleep in your office."  
  
"Yep." I answer, still bent over you so our noses are almost touching.  
  
Everything falls silent and I feel your body tense beneath me.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"mm?"  
  
"Kiss me." I have been waiting for those words for what seems like an eternity.  
  
Our lips meet in a haze of passion and hunger as each one of us realises that this is what the other has been waiting for since we had been reunited. My tongue brushes against your bottom lip, asking polite entrance to meet your own.  
  
Permission is granted and soon our tongues meet in a dance of fire.  
  
Your small hands are soon attached to my shirt, ripping it from my body and casting it to the floor. I feel the warmth of your hands as they sweep across my skin until they are entangled in my hair.  
  
Soon we are both naked, and I stare down on you to take a moment to admire your beauty. You smile and bring my head down for another lingering kiss. I enter you slowly and you arch your back, never taking your eyes away from mine. I remain still for a moment watching as you pout beneath me and your nails start to dig into my flesh, your hips grinding against my own until I cannot take it any longer and I start to move inside of you.  
  
Both our climax's start to build and I can hear your moans beneath me until soon enough you scream my name as you are sent to the heavens and back, your breathing becoming ragged. I kiss you again as I feel my climax moments away and I whisper words of love into your ear until I reach my peak and collapse on top of you  
  
****** Your cool skin next to mine was invigorating. Soon you had rolled to my side and now we both lay on our sides facing each other, you gently played with my hair, while I seeked to snuggle deeper into your embrace.  
  
"Buff."  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"Why do you always want to be near me? Not that I mind, I mean I love every minute I am with you and miss you any moment that we are apart."  
  
"I'm scared." I mumbled quietly.  
  
"Scared of what?" Your hand moves to the small of my back.  
  
"Of losing you." You give a small chuckle and I peel my head away from your chest and peer up to your face.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere Buffy."  
  
"You've said that before."  
  
"Well this time you will be by my side, no matter where I go." You bend down and kiss me once more.  
  
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